No, money down!

The Simpsons has answered many questions for us over the years. What happens when you demand satisfaction from a master dueler? Tomacco. Do you trust your ten-year-old brother with a giant tomato that you need to win a science fair? No. But in all honesty, the real golden nuggets of wisdom, particularly financial wisdom, have been passed down from the breadwinner of the Simpsons clan. Homer Simpson, the nuclear safety inspector of the un-safest nuclear plant in town, whose questionable diet and 'duck-like' swallowing habits have fueled and complemented his lazy attitude to business, money and finance.
Now, I’m not easily impressed — WOW! A blue car! — but Homer has much to impress with when it comes to finances. So join us as we count down his top financial quotes, in the order that you'll need to learn them to become a master financier. With his guidance you can move forwards, not backwards, upwards, not forwards, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

14. The financial basics

Homer: Twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.

Homer: Explain how!

Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer: ...Woohoo!

cant-print

13. Motivation

cant-print
I can't take his money, I can't print my own money, I have to work for money, why don't I just lay down and die?

12. More motivation

homer-lottery

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

11. Working out a budget

homer-trash

Marge: How could you spend $4.6 million in a month?

Homer: They let me sign checks with a stamp, Marge.

10. Household economics

Ofcoursewithgrease
Homer: Okay, boy. This is where all the hard work, sacrifice and painful scaldings pay off.

Employee: Four pounds of grease, that comes to...sixty-three cents.

Homer: Woohoo!

Bart: Dad, all that bacon costs twenty-seven dollars.

Homer: Yeah, but your mum paid for that.

Bart: But doesn't she get her money from you?

Homer: And I get my money from grease! What's the problem?

9. Spending wisely

margereceipts

Homer: Everybody's marriage is falling apart except for ours. See the problem's communication. Too much communication.
Marge: Homer, I've gone through seven years of receipts and you've spent less on gifts for me than you have on temporary tattoos.

8. Managing your repayments

homer-foreclosure

Well, it's a little thing called a home equity loan. I spend all the money I want, and the house gets stuck with the bill. He he he he! Sucker.

7. Getting started in business

homermoneyall

Homer: Look at this, Marge! $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
Marge: Stampy's food bill today was $300.
Homer: Marge, please don't humiliate me in front of the money

6. Managing on a tight budget

squeezeeverypenny

Chuck Garabedian: The point is, ya gotta squeeze every penny. Come on, let me hear you. Squeeze every penny!

Homer: I'm squeezing, I'm squeezing. Hey — I squeezed so hard it went into my hand.

Marge: Oh Homer, not again.

5. Taking your credit card debt seriously

Homer-Credit-Card
Bart: Dad I'm really sorry, but I charged $350 on your credit card

Homer: You what?!?

Bart: Don't worry here's the cash!

Homer: Woohoo! Now I can buy seventy transcripts of Nightline. Hee hee.

4. Everything you need to know about investing

pumpkinstocks

This year I invested in pumpkins. They've been going up the whole month of October and I've got a feeling they're going to peak around January. Then bang! That's when I'll cash in.

3. Knowing your financial limits


Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?Homer: (thinks) A dinosaur.

2. Being able to ask for help

allowance1
allowance1
allowance1
allowance1
Bart: Allowance day! Ding ding ding ding ding!
Marge: You don't deserve an allowance.
Lisa: Sure we do. Ding ding ding ding...
Bart: Ding ding ding ding.Homer: Ice cream man! Ice cream man!

Lisa: The carnival! we need money, fast.
Marge: Well well well. Looks like somebody's going to have to do some yard...
Homer: It's carnival time! Here's money, kids. Take what you need.
Bart/Lisa: Oh boy! Free money!Homer/Bart/Lisa: Ding ding ding ding ding...

1. Tax basics

bear-tax
Homer: What? This is the highest tax increase in history!

Lisa: Actually, it's the lowest tax increase in history, dad.

Homer: I pay the Homer tax. Let the bears pay the bear tax.

Lisa: That's the homeowners tax, dad.

Homer: Either way, I'm still outraged.


moneys-happiness

That's right, money. Your money's happiness is all that money's.

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