Laughter and love go hand-in-hand, so make humour your Valentine’s Day surprise.
There is absolutely no reason why Valentine’s Day has be taken so seriously. In fact, Valentine’s Day will probably be more enjoyable if you keep the pressure off have a little fun with it. To get you in the mood (...to laugh) here are some cheesy, silly jokes and ideas for how to make your Valentine giggle.
The best jokes and joke presents for Valentine’s Day
So here they are: the best Valentine's Day jokes that have tickled our funny bones and warmed our hearts. Awww.
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Roses are red, violets are blue
That's what they say, but it just isn’t true!
Roses are red and apples are too
But violets are violet, violets aren't blue!
An orange is orange, but Greenland's not green
And pinkies aren't pink, what does it mean?
To say something's blue when it isn't, defiles it
But oh, what the hell, it's hard to rhyme violet!
What did one boat say to the other?
"Are you up for a little row-mance?"
My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the Valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: “BE MINE.” The following day, I received in return a Valentine from the teacher. It read: “Thank you, but it’s still BE MINE-US.
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man said.
What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn't speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.
One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her "my darling." But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years. Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, "My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?" And the lady said, "Pardon?"
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn't fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
'Yes,' came the answer from Tony, who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'
'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'
Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better.
What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
"You're fun to hang around with."
Girl: "I can't be your Valentine for medical reasons."
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?
It made him wed his plants!
What did the Valentine's Day card say to the stamp?
"Stick with me and you'll go places"!
What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
"A hug and a quiche!"
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
"It was Valenswine's Day!"
What do you call a very small valentine?
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a tonne!"
Dos and Do Nots of Valentine’s Day jokes
.Your Valentine’s Day jokes should inspire a chuckle (and not a slap in the face). Here are some little tips on what’s acceptable and what’s probably not…
Keep it light. The trick to making your loved one laugh (even at themselves) is to joke about stuff that’s not so important.
Include yourself in the joke. Making fun of Valentines Day, or your loved one, or anything else is much funnier if you can laugh at yourself, too.
Bring up painful memories. References to not-so-good-times should be used with great caution.
Touch on a sore spot. We all know that the one’s we love can hurt us the most. They understand which buttons to press to get a particular reaction. Use this knowledge responsibly (i.e. don’t send a whale card to your forever dieting partner).
Best joke-themed Valentine’s Day cards and gifts
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