Relationship Red Flags & First Date Tips ft. Helen Chik
Sal & Al chat with Helen Chik about the dos and don'ts of dating profiles and discuss how to realistically escape a bad date.
Are you still single? Maybe you're a picky dater? Have you ever asked yourself why though? Well this week Sal & Al chat to Australia's answer to Carrie Bradshaw and author of 'Sex, Swipes & Other Stories' Helen Chik, to help give you a bit of an idea.
Helen shares dating app red flags, worst date stories & her fail-proof strategy to ditch a bad date.
Plus, we wrap up the episode going through Alex's hinge. Game awn!
LISTEN TO EP #220
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Alex Hourigan
Hey chicks, I'm Al.
Sally McMullen
And I'm Sal.
Alex Hourigan
And this is Two Broke Chicks, the show that shares life lessons for the gals, from the gals. And today, we have Helen Chik who is the author of 'Sex, Swipes & Other Stories'. If you haven't read her book, we definitely recommend it. It's like the modern day memoir to dating and she's like the Australian version of Carrie Bradshaw. She's incredible, such a vibe, and we're super excited to talk to her today. We're going to be discussing everything from dating to relationships, commitment issues, hello, and a bunch of other fun stories. And then we're gonna have a fun game of playing through Alex's Hinge. Which I don't know how I feel about that.
Sally McMullen
I'm very excited.
Alex Hourigan
I don't know how feel. I haven't opened that app in like six months. So it's gonna be scary. Terrifying. Exposing myself! But before we get into the episode Sal and I always like to share our life lesson of the week. So, Sally Bally, take me through your life lesson of the week.
Sally McMullen
So it's a new financial year, July is here. I can't believe like, I'm still processing 2020.
Alex Hourigan
It's still 2019, babe.
Sally McMullen
Please take me back. But unfortunately is new financial year, we are well and truly into 2022. And that means fun little thing called tax time.
Alex Hourigan
Dun, dun, dunn.
Sally McMullen
And, God, I don't know how many times I've done it now. But every time I'm still like, how do I why what? And I think especially because a lot of us have been working from home for the last two to three years, it's also made the process a little bit more difficult? So I wanted to remind everyone of all of the work from home expenses you can claim at tax time, because there are quite a few. So the first one is home office equipment. That is everything from like your desk and your chair, your laptops, lamps, stationery, literally anything, and you can claim up to $300. So even if you don't have the receipts, you'll be okay. Ding ding!
Alex Hourigan
Don't lie on your tax.
Sally McMullen
No, don't lie on your taxes, that's definitely not what we're recommending. Any other tech that you have, so like printers, if you have a tripod, I know we use one a lot for work.
Alex Hourigan
I threw mine at a wall in a rage.
Sally McMullen
Yeah!
Alex Hourigan
So I don't have one anyway.
Sally McMullen
Exactly. Just hold the receipt for the new one that you buy. But yeah, Alex had an Aries rage and threw her tripod.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, well it was a ring light. But it was broken anyway, after I threw it.
Sally McMullen
Also utilities, so your phone bill for your mobile, your internet plan, your electricity, heating, all of like your usual home expenses you can claim at tax time. Of course, this isn't financial advice. Just want to say, quickly. Go to an accountant, if you're not sure what you can claim and what percentage that's what I do every year. And they also remind you of a lot of things that you can be claiming that you might not know otherwise.
Alex Hourigan
Do you want to know which one I learned last year?
Sally McMullen
What?
Alex Hourigan
That you can buy a handbag of up to $300 and claim it. I think it's up to $300, I'll have to check that. But yeah, I was doing my taxes and he was like, "Have you bought a handbag this year?" And I was like, "No", he was like, "Are you sure? There's not a work bag that you use for work?", and I was like, "Nah, just use a tote bag". And he was like, "Well next year, why don't you go buy a handbag for yourself?", because you can claim that and I was like, "I will". So here's your sign to go buy yourself a new little work bag.
Sally McMullen
Oh my God, I need your accountants number. So of course we aren't tax specialists. This isn't financial advice. Go to your accountant check the ATO website for everything that you can claim.
Alex Hourigan
The show is called Two Broke Chicks for a reason.
Sally McMullen
Exactly. All right. What's your life lesson of the week?
Alex Hourigan
My life lesson of the week is my love language is Facebook Marketplace. I love Facebook Marketplace. Scrolling through there is my private time during the week, I also have other private time but we won't get into that.
Sally McMullen
We already got blocked on TikTok.
Alex Hourigan
But there are also some of the most cursed listings on Facebook Marketplace that I just wanted to share a few. First one is a fresh limited edition Dorito which is puffed from edge,
Sally McMullen
Oh, the 3D Dorito. Oh!
Alex Hourigan
For $700. A single puffed Dorito for $700. Moving on. We have a Captain Planet ring set from the 1990s for $300.
Sally McMullen
Oh my God show me that!
Alex Hourigan
Sally you're not buying it. You can buy me something with that.
Sally McMullen
Oh my god.
Alex Hourigan
Next up we have a half-eaten Oreo, which has like Batman inscribed in it with half the cream on it for $10. Not quite sure. And then the most cursed pair of Birkenstocks I have ever seen in my entire life.
Sally McMullen
How much are they going for?
Alex Hourigan
$25. They're black, they are black. If you're not watching the video, the bottom of them is black. They are the most feral things I've ever seen.
Sally McMullen
They literally have like a black footprint.
Alex Hourigan
If you put these on, you're getting athlete's foot in two seconds. And the most concerning part about this is that they're marked sold.
Sally McMullen
I can't, you couldn't pay me to wear those.
Alex Hourigan
No. Do not put that on Facebook Marketplace. If you are trying to get rid of your Birkenstocks and they are not brand new, they go in the bin. Don't do that. Oh, and last but not least someone, you know those like pop figurines? Someone's selling their Stitch collection for $1,000,
Sally McMullen
As in Lilo and Stitch?
Alex Hourigan
Yeah! I love Facebook Marketplace. That's, that's just what I need to finish on. Facebook Marketplace, if you're furnishing your apartment, if you're trying to sell things. Great, amazing. But oh my gosh, there are some cursed things on there.
Sally McMullen
$1000. Stitch has range. I will say.
Alex Hourigan
Crazy. Also, after trying to sell a few things on Facebook Marketplace, I've never disliked humans more. The amount of like, I'm selling things for like, less than half than what I bought them for and they're barely used and someone's like, "Will, you take $100 off the price?". I'm like, "No, I won't. That's why I listed it at that price". They're like, "Will, you drive it to me?", and they're in like Timbuktu, 2 hours away. I'm like, "Don't think so".
Sally McMullen
Soz, babes.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah.
Sally McMullen
Well, good life lesson and maybe we can screenshot them and share them in the Facebook group.
Alex Hourigan
Oh, yeah.
Sally McMullen
For people to marvel at.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll share the listing screenshots somewhere, but we'll just blur out people's names.
Sally McMullen
Yeah. blur out the deets.
Alex Hourigan
But then also, I'm big fan of a name and shame.
Sally McMullen
You've put it on the internet so...fair game!
Alex Hourigan
Okay, moving on to our interview with Helen, thank you so much for joining us today!
Helen Chik
Thank you for having me, ladies.
Alex Hourigan
We were just saying that you've had such a big day already. She's been up since five.
Helen Chik
Yep.
Alex Hourigan
She's going to bed late.
Helen Chik
I go to bed early because I'm up at 4:30 to train. I would love to put Alex through a day like, of my training. Would you like to come do a muay thai class with me?
Alex Hourigan
I would like nothing less. I would like nothing less.
Sally McMullen
Oh my god. We'll see you at the bottomless brunch later.
Alex Hourigan
Like I can barely walk up the flights of stairs to get up to my apartment. And I'm okay with that. That's fine with me. Jumping straight in. What are some dating app red flags, in your opinion?
Helen Chik
For me, red flags would be when somebody starts getting overly familiar with you right at the beginning and calling you things like, "baby", 'babe", "honey", "sweetie", and things like that. I just, I actually, that's an issue for me. I'm like, I don't really know you.
Alex Hourigan
I'm like, talk to me like I'm a piece of shit, then I'll like you.
Sally McMullen
I'm not your baby.
Helen Chik
No, exactly. I'm like, I would never call someone "babe", right? Unless it's another girl. Just no, you just can't do that. That's one big red flag for me. I think before you even get to the actual chatting stage, are we talking before we chat?
Alex Hourigan
Maybe app profiles? There's definitely some fun ones.
Helen Chik
Yeah, okay. My biggest pet peeves is when you get group photos, playing Where's Wally? That is an automatic left swipe for me because I just don't have the time. And then half the time you're just like trying to match them up and you can never find the right person.
Sally McMullen
I think it's good to have at least one or two group photos. And then the majority,
Helen Chik
Well, the first one can't be the group photo.
Sally McMullen
Yes. And then the majority are selfies or solo pics.
Alex Hourigan
If there's not a group photo in there, I'm like, okay, so you have no friends. Like there has to be one but it can't be the first one. I love it when they have a photo with like one other person as the first one. And it's someone who's like really good looking. And you're like, "Oh, yeah, let's go for that one", and then scroll down an you're like, "Ah".
Like, I kind of get the strategy, but also you're setting yourself up for failure.
Helen Chik
No, you can't do that because it's
Alex Hourigan
Go with the ugly friend. Go for the cheerleader effect, where like, you are next to ugly people, so you look hotter.
Sally McMullen
Yeah.
Helen Chik
Yeah, well, that just makes sense, no? I've never understood that when you put a photo of somebody who's hotter next to your hot mate.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah.
Helen Chik
You know? The other one would be topless photos, the gym selfies, that's always just, and then posing next to expensive cars that you don't actually own. That's also, when they don't write anything in their profiles, or my actual other pet peeve is when they write their height, but then they add in the line at the end, "because it matters".
Alex Hourigan
Is that because apparently that matters?
Helen Chik
I'm like, 'Yes, it does matter". If I'm like five eight and you're five nothing we've got a f*cking problem here.
Alex Hourigan
Right?
Helen Chik
Like I mean, yes, some people are into reverse height superiority, I guess.
Sally McMullen
Short kings!
Alex Hourigan
Yeah.
Sally McMullen
Short kings!
Helen Chik
There's nothing wrong with that.
Sally McMullen
But like you don't need to add the, "if it matters".
Alex Hourigan
Yeah!
Sally McMullen
Because if you don't think it matters, then don't put it in.
Alex Hourigan
I put 3'10 on mine. Because I set it as an accident and I was like, "That's f*cking funny".
Helen Chik
I think for girls, it's the opposite. If you're like 6'5, you probably want to say something.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, true.
Helen Chik
But you know?
Alex Hourigan
I love those memes that's like, 'Just went on a date with a guy who was 6'4 and just want to announce it apparently I'm 6'4 too?'. Lying about their height. Also, the one was like, "I'm overly competitive about everything".
Helen Chik
Oh, okay, yep.
Alex Hourigan
Like that Hinge prompt that they're always just like, "Everything".
Sally McMullen
Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And you're like boring, can't even come up with anything? Like at least a monopoly.
Helen Chik
I feel like the dating apps like Hinge, they're good because they force you to write an answer to certain questions, but then like the likes of Tinder, some people don't write a thing. They just leave it or it's like, "If you want to know just ask". I actually hate that. Like, "No thanks. I'm good".
Alex Hourigan
Or they're like, "I'm the type of texter who takes two weeks to reply". And I'm like, same, so we're never gonna talk. All good, then.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, exactly.
Helen Chik
And then you get the ones that leave their Instagram handle and they're like, "Just message me because I'm better on there". I'm like, "Are you trying to harvest followers through this?". I can't deal.
Sally McMullen
Yes, 100%. What if they put their Snapchat on there? That's the ultimate red flag!
Helen Chik
Yep, dick pics coming in left, right and centre.
Alex Hourigan
When they're like, "What's your Snapchat?", I'm like, "Unmatch, immediately". Okay, what are some green flags? What are some things to look out for on a dating profile that you're like, "I like that about ya".
Helen Chik
I like a little bit of like modesty, just self deprecating humour, really." That's usually a good like a green flag for me. If they bothered to write anything, that's always a good start. I think when they have just decent, non-blurry photos. That's, that's another I mean, beforehand, it's hard to see great green flags before you've actually said anything to each other? But self deprecating humour, a massive tick for me, win. And then you know, if we match and that kind of comes through in the first couple of minutes of chatting, that's, that's, that's perfect. We want that. We love that.
Alex Hourigan
I love when like, the questions aren't, "Oh, what are you up to? How was your day?", and like, they get into some like, weird question that you're maybe like arguing about a really niche movie, like hierarchy or something like that. Also, this is so niche, but when they have photos that are taken on like a disposable camera?
Helen Chik
The really blurry vintage-y look?
Alex Hourigan
Yeah! I like that. I'm like, artist. I find that hot.
Sally McMullen
It shows they put some effort into their photos, as well.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah!
Helen Chik
Well yeah, because you have to like actually have it in a digital format, have scanned it through, to actually be on there to give that vibe, right?
Sally McMullen
Or run it through dashcam.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah.
Sally McMullen
Either way.
Helen Chik
Yeah.
Alex Hourigan
And like, we're on the same vibe.
Sally McMullen
Exactly.
Alex Hourigan
And they're always hot with a mullet and a moustache. So I'm like, okay, we can make this work.
Sally McMullen
It's very true. They go hand in hand. How long do you think you have to talk to somebody to know whether or not they're the right fit or not?
Helen Chik
I actually think that you could talk forever and you just wouldn't know until you meet somebody in person. Because you could text back and forth, banter would be great, but the chemistry in real life, I've had this happen many times where I'll meet and it's just fizzle.
Sally McMullen
Catfish.
Helen Chik
It's not even catfish, it's just more that it just doesn't translate in real life. Because, you know, it's easy to pretend to be somebody behind the screen, then like to do it in face to face.
Sally McMullen
Yeah.
Helen Chik
So, I would always say people need to meet within 10 days of matching, because the longer you wait, it's never going to happen.
Sally McMullen
Yeah.
Alex Hourigan
So here's the thing, I'm not a good texter. This isn't my strong suit. I know I send you like cooked messages every day. That's different.
Sally McMullen
It's a different relationship.
Alex Hourigan
Like, I'll send Sal a message being like, "I really miss Robin Williams". Or I'll be like, "Sometimes I remember that Pocahontas and John Smith broke up Pocahontas 2 and it really ruins my day". But like, I can't send that to someone on dating apps.
Sally McMullen
She just likes to drag me down with her.
Alex Hourigan
So I'm like, I like need to go on the date. Because I can't be bothered to text. I can't be bothered to do,
Helen Chik
Which is fair enough.
Alex Hourigan
The whole messages and I also just don't think that's my strong suit. Then when they like meet me person, I'm like, "Okay, now you can see what it's like".
Sally McMullen
Now. It's the Alex show!
Alex Hourigan
Yeah!
Helen Chik
I think the older I get as well, I just don't like enjoy texting either. So that's perfectly fine. You could either just lead in and be like, "Hey, I've got X amount of time, on Saturday or Sunday, or whatever day you have free. Do you have time for a coffee?", and just line that up straightaway, we can chat then.
Alex Hourigan
That happened to my roommate and she was talking to this guy and it was maybe like a Sunday. And then he was like, "What are you doing next Friday?". She's like, "Oh, I don't have plans", and then he's like, "Okay, cool. Like, let's go for a date then, I'll chat to you then". And then didn't speak to her for the whole week. And then on Friday, it was like okay,
Helen Chik
Yeah.
Alex Hourigan
She was like, "I think we're still going on this date". And then he sends her a message half an hour before he's like, "Okay, cool. Like, so still good for seven?". I was like, I kind of like that. I kinda love that.
Helen Chik
It's perfect.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, don't talk to me.
Helen Chik
Yeah, don't talk to me during the week, save it all. Let's leave something for, you know, the meet up.
Sally McMullen
Yeah.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah. Speaking of dates, what is the worst date you've ever been on? Everyone has like a good worst date story. I know you told the biting one on Happy Hour, so we want a different one.
Helen Chik
Don't worry, we've got lots. Okay, this one happened in Sydney during the 2020 lockdowns. And you know, during that time, like everybody's like, date of choice was to get the coffee and go for a walk. That was the date of choice. So I matched with this fella around August and we decided to go for a walk from Bondi, I don't know where we're planning to end, but within the first five to 10 minutes of us going on this walk with coffee in hand, he's, like, struck up the conversation of, "Have you ever been with a black man?". And he's not, mind you, he's not black. He's Russian, but was born in Australia, and had a massive Bogan accent and everything and just comes out of the blue. He goes, "Have you ever been with a black man?". I'm like, "Do you mean sexually? I've dated a few. But I've never sexually been with one".
Alex Hourigan
We love a little bit of racism on a date.
Sally McMullen
Yeah!
Helen Chik
I know. It was, it was really.
Sally McMullen
Oh my god, how did you respond to that?
Alex Hourigan
What did you? Did you leave? Did you go for the walk?
Helen Chik
Well, the thing is, I think it became a bad habit of mine. Because I was writing this book that whilst like, I knew it was inappropriate to talk about that sort of stuff. I almost let the crazy play out a little bit longer than I should. And I just think to myself, I'm like, how much more crazier can this guy get? So let's just keep going.
Sally McMullen
Do it for the content.
Helen Chik
Yeah. Do it for the content. I think, yeah, that was within like, 15 minutes, and we just made it up the hill towards Icebergs. And I was like, Okay, we need to change the subject now, because I really don't want to talk about this anymore. And then so then the next topic of conversation became about, somehow that TikTok was blowing up at that time. So TikTok popped up and then Donald Trump came up, and he started telling me how much he loved Donald Trump, and just adoration, admiration, whatever, all the -ations, of how much he loved him. And I just looked at him and I went, "Okay, so you would support a guy who thinks it's okay to you know, grab a woman by their squish mitten, and, that's gonna be my word for it. And he kind of just thinks, stops and thinks and goes silent for a bit. And I'm like, "Oh, yeah, I think I might have got him here". And then he goes, "Yeah, but what man wouldn't want to grab a woman by their squish mitten?". And at that point, he said that, there was an old gentleman that was walking past at the same time, and he had said it so loudly that he, as he walked past, turned around, raised his hand was like, "I wouldn't". I was so embarrassed that we were just like, in the middle of Bondi, and I was like, "Oh, my God, you've just said that out loud so that somebody, an onlooker has like seen this". And I'm like, "Okay, okay, cool".
I do not know this person. Oh, my God, the silver lining of that is that there are so many red flags that you know, immediately.
Yes!
Sally McMullen
This person is trash.
Helen Chik
Yeah. And I think I still was like, on this date for another 20 minutes before it finally ended. I think I went away and I was like, "Wow, that was really inappropriate". Like, I think when it's happening to you, you don't realise it. And then I've walked away and I'm like, "Wow, this guy is mental".
Alex Hourigan
Hold on. You're on a coffee walk. He wasn't even drunk.
Helen Chik
No.
Alex Hourigan
He was saying this sober!
Sally McMullen
There's no excuse.
Alex Hourigan
Oh, my God. I once went on a date with a doctor. And he was showing me photos that he took of people in surgeries while they were unconscious.
Helen Chik
What kind of photos? Like, open, like cut open?
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, like people with like knives in their legs. And like, all this shit. I'm like, "I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to do that". And I'd been like, "I don't like blood", and he kept just being like click, click, click. And was so like, "I'm a doctor". I was like, "Cool, I'm an Aries".
Helen Chik
We're Aries, that's right! We're Aries sisters, I love that.
Sally McMullen
I always say to Al, I've been in a relationship for 14 years. And I'm like, if I ever have to date, like if for some reason we ever break up, I would just be like, "Well, that's me out of the game". Because these sorts of horror stories scare me off for life. Do you have any advice for people who are on dates and in the middle of that scenario, and want an excuse to get out of there, but don't know how to do it?
Alex Hourigan
Oh, yeah. What's like a good out?
Helen Chik
People always do the cliche of like, "Oh, I've got a phone call and there's been an emergency". But I'm like, seriously, who buys that these days? If you're not happy or like, not comfortable, I would just be upfront. I'd be like, "I gotta leave. Bye". I don't think there's any magical out that you can give to somebody. Just be honest. Especially, I mean, for me in that particular circumstance, I was willing to stick it out to the end just because I needed the content. And you know, wanted to see how funny, I think it was just funny. And at this point, I was like, Okay, this, you know, I'm not in any sort of danger. It was the middle of the morning. Lots of people around so let's just, you know.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah.
Helen Chik
But if you are in a situation where you just, you feel like you're unsafe. I would just honestly just be upfront and be like, "Hey, this isn't working. Good luck on your journey", and just walk away from it.
Alex Hourigan
Deuces.
Helen Chik
Yeah.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, literally.
Sally McMullen
Burn in hell.
Alex Hourigan
I always go for the, "My roommates locked out. Gotta go'"
Helen Chik
That's actually a really good one.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, but then sometimes they're like, "Oh, okay, like, where's your apartment?"
Helen Chik
Oh, no!
Alex Hourigan
And I'm like, brother.
Sally McMullen
This is a solo mish
Helen Chik
No, this is a solo mission. Yeah. Have you actually had that happen? Like, "Where's your apartment? We'll come back".
Alex Hourigan
I would be like in Bondi and I'd be like, like, "I'm so sorry my roommates locked out I gotta go but like, this was really fun". Nah, it wasn't. And they'll be like, "Oh, okay, like, I'll walk with you", and I'm like, "No, thank you".
Helen Chik
But that's the thing. I feel like when you feel like you need to add in the pleasantries like, "Oh, this has been really fun", when it really hasn't, I feel like when you don't say that sort of stuff, it's it says the world. I feel like girls need to like not placate the situation by saying it's been fun and just be like, "It was nice to meet you".
Alex Hourigan
I'm just so awkward in that situation. I'm just like, one time I was like, "Oh, I forgot. I told my friend I go to the movies", and just left. He was like, "Oh, what movie?" And I was like, I don't know, any movies that are on at the movies.
Helen Chik
Oh no! Like, "She was gonna surprise me".
Alex Hourigan
Damn it. I was like, "I gotta go. Just let me leave".
Sally McMullen
It's called the Worst Date Ever. Screening right now.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah. So our show is all about life lessons. What is the biggest life lesson that you've learned from dating and relationships?
Helen Chik
I feel like a lot of people put a expectations on every single date they go on, the best way to approach dating is to not have any expectations. That's, that's probably the biggest lesson that I've learnt. Also not chasing like certain milestones like getting married, starting a family, when you haven't actually worked out if that's right for you. I've chatted to a lot of friends who are now in their 30s and just questioning whether or not that life is even for them, having kids, and they feel like they've spent their 20s chasing after it. And now they've come to the realisation, you know what, I don't actually want those things. But because you know, society, those are the things like the milestones that we've been brought up to kind of go after, traditionally. You know, having been divorced twice, definitely I wish I had that moment of introspection back in my early 20s. But that would probably be the biggest lesson really.
Alex Hourigan
Love that.
Sally McMullen
It's hard when you have pressure from society, but also your family as well. You don't want to disappoint anyone. And you're like, "Oh, well, maybe if I end up doing this, I'll enjoy it".
Helen Chik
Yep.
Sally McMullen
But I think you just have to trust your gut.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, it's hard to stay in the moment. Like it's hard to like not go on a couple dates and be like, "Could I see myself with him for the rest of my life? Can I move in?" and you're like, chill, it's been three dates.
Helen Chik
Three dates.
Alex Hourigan
You don't have to know yet.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, exactly. Do you have any tips for first dates? Like, whether it's where you should go? Or what you should do? And what do you talk about?
Helen Chik
Ah, I do have a tip. It's not really a tip. It's a 'don't do', is don't have dinners for first dates.
Alex Hourigan
Ooh, okay.
Sally McMullen
Ooh, why not?
Helen Chik
I'll just because, for me, at least, I can feel within 10 to 15 minutes whether or not I will get along with someone. And if they're, we're vibing, I just know myself quite well. But if you meet someone that you just really aren't vibing and you're stuck in a dinner, that's like, what a minimum 90 minute to two hour commitment unless you can inhale your food. It's you know, I don't ever want to be stuck in a situation where we're doing a three course meal and I'm thinking to myself, when can I reasonably leave? You know, how fast can we ingest this, that I don't get indigestion and leave. So I always say first date should always be so low key where there should be you know, a time limit of like an hour and whether or not that be a coffee, a juice, whatever you want to do, you know, just keep it very casual. There's no huge time commitment, there's no huge monetary commitment, on that end. I feel like, at least when I speak to men, they're always like, "Oh, you know, took this girl out for a really nice dinner, I spent all of this money and she just never called back". And I can understand why they would get frustrations with that because they're the ones expected again, also very traditional, and you know that they're expected to pay for the first date. And if it means having this massive meal and expensive meal, some people do and I just think it's crazy. Save yourself the time and the money and just keep it casual. And then there's no, nothing, no love loss if it doesn't work out.
Alex Hourigan
I completely respect like men that want to pay for the first day. But I also just think that concept is so completely outdated.
Helen Chik
Correct.
Sally McMullen
I agree.
Alex Hourigan
We used to know someone that admitted that they would organise to go on dates to get free food. Every Thursday.
Helen Chik
I just, I,
Alex Hourigan
They'd call it Tinder Thursdays and go out for free meal every Thursday and I was like, that's crazy.
Helen Chik
I couldn't do that myself. I would feel bad because my actual thing with first dates if I ever did end up in a situation where there'd be food, like let's just say you go to a bar and you order a drink and it goes well, or it doesn't, you know, and you've ordered some like nibbles and stuff on the side. When I decide I don't like someone, I always quietly settle the bill. Because then I don't feel like I owe them anything and I can walk away clean.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah.
Sally McMullen
Totally.
Helen Chik
Guilt free and I don't care if I've emasculated you feel emasculated, but at least I walked away free conscience, you know, just that's kind of like my, my take on it. And if I let a man pay for me on the first date, my idea is that when I see them again, I will then return the favour and pay for the next drink, meal, whatever it is, you know? whatever it may be.
Sally McMullen
Keep it balanced.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, so what would your tip or recommendation advice be for people that either have commitment issues themselves, asking for a friend. Just asking for a friend here. Or on the other hand, if someone's dealing with another person that has commitment issues, so if I want to date Sal and she won't date me, what would you say?
Helen Chik
If it's for yourself and you're dealing with commitment issues, then you need to work on that yourself. There's no, nobody can do it for you, you're just looking at me like, no, I don't wanna do the work. But that's actually entirely on you.
Alex Hourigan
My friend didn't like that answer.
Helen Chik
But then if it's somebody else, then you can't actually do anything that's on them. It always lies with the person who's, who has the commitment issues to do the work. It's never on you and you should never feel like you need to be the one doing that work. If you do meet someone who has commitment issues, you need to walk away from that. I feel like a lot of girls love the project or the idea of being the one to turn this, you know, to be that one.
Sally McMullen
I can change him!
Helen Chik
I can change him! When it's just not really the right approach and you don't want a project. Like you don't want to have to convince somebody to commit to you. They need that much convincing, it's probably not worth it. Not worth your time anyway.
Alex Hourigan
I'm trying really hard not to laugh. I'm like, "Ah, very good". I'm like, "Four years wasted".
Sally McMullen
No, I remember we said it's never a waste, it's a plot point.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah. Well, we thought we'd play a little game of
Helen Chik
I've been looking forward to this. We should all agree to be like, on three we go pass or like yes.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, smash or pass.
Alex Hourigan
Okay. All right. I'll like read, maybe read out the profile. Oh my god.
Helen Chik
Should we analyse your profile first?
Alex Hourigan
NOOO!
Helen Chik
Can I read it? I feel like I need to. I need to analyse, she wasn't prepared for this. She didn't get to curate her profile.
Sally McMullen
Okay.
Alex Hourigan
I hate this!
Sally McMullen
So, we're gonna start off with Alex's profile.
Helen Chik
Oh, love it! Okay, well, first photo, I like, you're smiley, which I also like. You've also got a nice low cut top, which is great, show off the assets. We love that. And then you've got what, what's that a margarita? That's a huge Margarita.
Sally McMullen
What you see is what you get.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, big tits and margaritas.
Helen Chik
Love it. "I take pride in my 4.87 Uber rating", which is great. I don't even know what my Uber rating is. Last time I checked,
Alex Hourigan
Should be lower.
Helen Chik
Really?
Alex Hourigan
That's why I take pride in it.
Helen Chik
Then you've got a photo with you and a friend which is cute. Your friend's also got alcohol in her hands, you know.
Alex Hourigan
I think every photo has alcohol in it.
Helen Chik
Oh, no and then you've got a podcasting, I think you've got Sal there which is good. You've got your priorities there. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. "Together we could get wine drunk and fight xx". Cute, cute. "Two truths and a lie: I've killed before, I'll kill again and I like Nicolas Cage movies". Which was a lie?
Alex Hourigan
They're all true.
Helen Chik
You've got a shot here with you in a photo studio which I also liked. Cute, Maccas, yeah, priorities again, we like it. "How I fight the Sunday scaries", and what's this last shot of? Who's this?
Alex Hourigan
Oh, that's Gina from Brooklyn Nine Nine.
Helen Chik
Okay. Alright, I feel like I maybe should know that but love it. I mean, okay.
Sally McMullen
What do you rate it out of 10 ?
Helen Chik
Photo wise, I would say it's a 10 out of 10. With writing a little bit more about yourself, probably could, but I mean there's, there's no rule of space for you to do it on Hinge. So I'm like that's also a 10 out of 10, you've, you've got to work with what you got.
Alex Hourigan
And the 3'10!
Helen Chik
Yeah, the 3'10. Oh I did see the 3'10 and I was like yep, 3'10, there we go.
Alex Hourigan
Listen to the voice memo!
Helen Chik
Oh my gosh, yes, I was like can I play?
Alex Hourigan
"Okay so, my friends have told me that apparently I'm really good at doing a Scooby Doo impression. So um, here goes: Shaggy, what are you doing with all the Scooby snacks?"
Helen Chik
Wait, wait, wait. I thought you were actually gonna do Scooby?
Alex Hourigan
I did!
Sally McMullen
That's the joke. That's the gag!
Alex Hourigan
That also gets so many responses.
Helen Chik
Oh I love that.
Alex Hourigan
Of people being like, "Ay, I'm walking here!".
Sally McMullen
It's good because you're still showing off that you're good at doing impressions and accents.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah! And I want to get wine drunk and fight, and I have killed before, I will kill again, and National Treasure is an amazing movie! That's everything you need to know.
Sally McMullen
That's all you need to know.
Helen Chik
I think I deleted Hinge before they added in the voice memos, but I liked the voice memo.
Alex Hourigan
Thank you.
Helen Chik
It's good!
Alex Hourigan
Thank you. Anyway, that was traumatising. I need to take my pulse.
Helen Chik
How much are you sweating right now?
Alex Hourigan
So much! I was like, "I really don't like this, we're gonna cut that out". Okay, do we go through the people that have liked me? Or do we just go on the standard?
Sally McMullen
Because this is a audio format,
Alex Hourigan
Okay, I'll read through.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, just read through like describe the first pic, their name, and I don't know if it has like a prompt or something.
Alex Hourigan
Okay.
Sally McMullen
And let's do a quick fire round.
Alex Hourigan
Okay, first up we have Luke, he's got a really nice smile.
Helen Chik
Oh yeah!
Alex Hourigan
Really lovely photo.
Helen Chik
He's got kind eyes.
Alex Hourigan
He does have kind eyes. His prompt is, 'Together we could frolic and make rugs". I like that.
Sally McMullen
Interesting combo.
Alex Hourigan
Into it. Oh, he's wearing a pink cowboy hat.
Sally McMullen
It's a pass from me.
Alex Hourigan
It's a pass from me, sorry.
Sally McMullen
Sorry, Luke.
Alex Hourigan
Sorry, Luke. But I do like the lycra photo and the idea of frolicking. I feel like we could do, have a friendship frolic.
Sally McMullen
Yeah!
Alex Hourigan
Okay, Jake looks like he's gonna hurt my feelings.
Helen Chik
Ooh, okay! Tell us tell us, tell us about Jake. We've got a voice clip, play the voice clip! Play the voice clip, please.
Alex Hourigan
"Ay, it's Chewbacca".
Sally McMullen
Oh my god! He's like made for you!
Helen Chik
You should be like, "We should have a, have a, you know, impression off".
Alex Hourigan
Oh my god. Oh no, he's got his Instagram in it! Red flag!
Sally McMullen
Ohh, okay.
Alex Hourigan
But he's hot. Sorry.
Sally McMullen
Smash!
Helen Chik
He's a smash. No, we like him, but I just don't like the fact that he put his Instagram there.
Alex Hourigan
Okay, here's the thing. His Instagram has a better aesthetic than mine. Look at this.
Sally McMullen
Oh, wow.
Alex Hourigan
Look, do you know what?
Helen Chik
Smash it. We smash.
Alex Hourigan
We smash. We would smash. Send like! Okay, we've got Lachie, we've got some tattoos. His prompt is, "My cry in the car song is Window Shopper by 50 cent".
Sally McMullen
That's a good one.
Alex Hourigan
"Weirdest gift I've given or received: this one time I got a unicycle for Christmas". Ooh, he's got a picture with a llama or an alpaca? Are they the same thing?
Sally McMullen
No.
Alex Hourigan
It's one of them. Look, there's not a lot of photos of him. There's a lot of like snowboarding, hiking. I don't see much of him in that.
Sally McMullen
Yeah. Also they're not really activities that you would usually do.
Alex Hourigan
What do you mean?
Helen Chik
I'm guessing that's him there?
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, he has a nice smile.
Helen Chik
I mean, from this side profile shot that, this is what I'm talking about where the boys like they put up these photos where you're like, Okay, great. This one absolutely f*cking pointless shot, him in the snow where he's literally like a little blip.
Alex Hourigan
Legit! I can't see that.
Helen Chik
In a sea of white.
Sally McMullen
Okay, pass.
Helen Chik
So he's clearly very active. But, could he convince you to like, go, you know?
Alex Hourigan
My idea of active is a bar crawl. We'll do one more. Ooh, he's got long hair and a dog. Smash.
Sally McMullen
Smash
Alex Hourigan
Smash. Don't even worry about it. Got long hair and a dog, smash. Alright, I'll let you guys know when the wedding, is thinking spring, natural floral arrangements, done. Thanks, guys. That was a wild roller coaster. I feel adrenaline pumping.
Sally McMullen
Me too.
Alex Hourigan
But thank you so much for joining us today. I feel like I've learned so much. I'm a new woman. Hopefully the chicks have learnt something as well, whether you're single, dating, in a full blown relationship. You can never stop learning and growing because learning growing sexy. Thank you so much for coming on. Hope you had fun.
Helen Chik
Thanks for having me, ladies. It was so much fun. Thank you so much, ladies.
Sally McMullen
Thank you.
Alex Hourigan
Our pleasure. Bye!
Sally McMullen
The pleasure is all ours.
Alex Hourigan
And we'll see you next time, Scooby. Scooby, dooby doo. That is a wrap. Thank you so much for joining us, Helen. I feel like a new woman.
Sally McMullen
I know, buy her book.
Alex Hourigan
Oh my gosh. It's so funny.
Sally McMullen
It is such a good read. And it's also gorgeous. It's like illustrated so beautifully. So it's an amazing coffee table book as well.
Alex Hourigan
I was just about to say that. But you can check out finder.com.au/twobrokechicks for all of the details, shownotes, link to where you can buy Helen's book. And you can find us on Instagram @twobrokechicks and TikTok @twobrokechicks_. We tried to get the one without the underscore and we still can't get it guys. Thank you for having us in your ear holes, we absolutely love to be here and huge shout out to our producer Pariya Taherzadeh for being our guiding light through every episode, Bamby Media for editing our episodes and Made in Katana for letting us sit here and talk some shit every week! And we'll see you next week. Also don't forget to go listen to our episode with Helen for Add To Cart on Thursday because we're back on that.
Sally McMullen
Yep, she'll be dishing all of her fashion must haves, beauty bag essentials and shopping regrets, our favourite question.
Alex Hourigan
Bye, chickies! Love you!
Sally McMullen
Bye, babes.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
LINKS & RECEIPTS
Follow Helen Chik on Instagram
Buy 'Sex, Swipes & Other Stories'
CHUCK US A FOLLOW
Follow us on Instagram @twobrokechicks
Follow us on TikTok @twobrokechicks_
Join our private Facebook Group 'Broke Chicks Club'
CREDITS
Hosts: Sally McMullen and Alex Hourigan
Executive Producer: Pariya Taherzadeh
Editor: Bamby Media
Studio: Made In Katana
This podcast is powered by Finder and part of the Nova Podcast Network.
Thanks for listening.
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