Two Broke Chicks Podcast Ep #202: How to ditch toxic friends ft. Cartia Mallan & Ashton Wood
We chat quality relationships, toxic friends and spicy DMs with Common Chaos podcast hosts Cartia Mallan and Ashton Wood.
Are you looking for your Sex and the City core four? Or maybe a relationship has fizzled out and you don't know how to cut the cord. In today's episode, Sal and Al chat about how to build quality friendships and ditch the toxic ones.
So who better to have on to talk about it then everyone's favourite besties Cartia Mallan and Ashton Wood from the Common Chaos podcast?!
Join the gals as they chat the key to solid friendships in your 20s, spicy DMs and debate which is worse: a friendship breakup or relationship breakup.
CREDITS
Hosts: Sally McMullen and Alex Hourigan
Executive Producer: Pariya Taherzadeh
Editor: Bamby Media
This podcast is powered by Finder and part of the Nova Podcast Network.
Listen to ep #202 of Two Broke Chicks
LINKS & RECEIPTS
- Follow Ashton Wood on Instagram
- Follow Cartia Mallan on Instagram
- Follow Common Chaos on Instagram
- Check out the Common Chaos Podcast
Follow us on Instagram @twobrokechicks, on TikTok @twobrokechicks_ and join our private Facebook Group Broke Chicks Club.
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Sally McMullen
Hey, Chickies. I'm Sal.
Alex Hourigan
And I'm Al.
Sally McMullen
And this is Two Broke Chicks, the show that dishes life lessons for the gals, from the gals.
Alex Hourigan
But before we get on with the show, I wanted to share some of the beautiful comments we've got from you out there in the big podcast world. So we had a review, this literally made me tear up, I'm not even being dramatic, but it says "I want to say thank you to the Two Broke Chicks, as most of us are, I wasn't in a good headspace recently and ran out of tips to shake myself out of this funk. Listening to their first self care episode got me thinking, it got me up and moving. I put some music on and started to clean and automatically felt so much better. Such simple tips that helped me so much". Thank you!
Sally McMullen
So sweet. I forget that people are listening sometimes.
Alex Hourigan
And then there was this other one was like "As a broke millennial male, this podcast is as relatable as it is entertaining. Really enjoying listening to Alex and Sally's experiences slash musings and have learned a thing or three along the way". Not a thing or two. A thing or three.
Sally McMullen
Oh my god, he's getting his bang for his buck. It's free. I love that I know that we say that. You know it's Two Broke Chicks life lessons for the gals, from the gals but really it's life lessons for everyone.
Alex Hourigan
Gals are everyone!
Sally McMullen
Exactly.
Alex Hourigan
I call everyone that. Hey, gal. Hey, babe.
Sally McMullen
Literally, I call my dad that.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah. Hey, bitch.
Sally McMullen
This was another one that Al and I both saw and I think it brought a little tear to our eye, it was so sweet. "While there are certainly some great podcasts coming out of Australia, it's rare to find something where I'm compelled to tune in every week but Two Broke Chicks is just that. The two hosts Sal and Al have incredible chemistry slash banter", I would have to agree, "and offer some truly helpful advice. The tip about checking a brand's Instagram ads for coupon codes has been a game changer for me personally. Keep it up Two Broke Chicks. If you ever launch a Patreon, I'll be one of the first to subscribe!".
Alex Hourigan
Oh my god! Love that.
Sally McMullen
Should we launch a Patreon?
Alex Hourigan
Sure, why not? We've got every other platform.
Sally McMullen
Literally.
Alex Hourigan
Not like we don't have enough to run! Thank you. We don't have any negative comments, thankfully, otherwise, then we really will cry. But hey, feel free to provide us with any constructive feedback or any topics you guys want to hear or any guests that you guys want on the poddy.
Sally McMullen
Yes, please do. And you can now rate and review on Spotify as well. So, Apple and Spotify, wherever you listen, Google podcasts jump in there and tell us how you really feel.
Okay, so in your 20s, you make a lot of new friends, you might cut off a couple, but I feel like it's a time when you really figure out what you want out of your friendships and relationships in your life. I think everybody goes through that. So, today's episode is all about that how to build quality friendships and say ya to the toxic ones.
Alex Hourigan
Bye!
Sally McMullen
So who better to have on the show to talk about it than everybody's favourite BFFs, aside from Sal and Al, Cartia Mallan and Ashton Wood from the podcast 'Common Chaos'.
Alex Hourigan
Cartia and Ashton are both beauty and fashion content creators, best friends and they live together.
Sally McMullen
But before we get the gals on, what's your life lesson of the week Al? You're smirking at me! What is it?
Alex Hourigan
I did a dumb thing.
Sally McMullen
She does it for the pod people.
Alex Hourigan
I don't! I don't, I wish I could say that I did, but I don't
Sally McMullen
Alright, hit me.
Alex Hourigan
So, I recently learnt that you can actually light your nails on fire.
Sally McMullen
Oh god!
Alex Hourigan
So, Sal and I get our nails done, I get acrylic nails and so does Sal because my nails, I played sport growing up and they just, they'll break and it's just nasty.
Sally McMullen
They trash!
Alex Hourigan
Anyway, I was trying to, you know, romanticise my life. If you need some tips, go listen to episode one. And I was lighting a candle, like, on my work desk and the candle was, like, on its last leg so I was really getting in there with a lighter and I was holding the lighter down, and the flame got really big. And I was like, "Wow, why is that flame so big?", and my nail, like the end of my nail, was on fire and I was so impressed.
Sally McMullen
Alex!
Alex Hourigan
And I went to go and get my nails done yesterday and she was like, "Did you bend your nail?". Yeah, so your nails are flammable. If you get acrylics.
Sally McMullen
My one is check your mailbox. I feel like in the digital world, I always get emails and texts about everything. I live in an apartment building, so I'm often not passing my mailbox or it's just, I don't even think about it as opposed to you know, maybe when you're living in a house. The other week, Alex and I were going to Frankie's, our favourite rock and roll bar, not sponsored, but should be. And I pulled up the New South Wales Government app to show my ID and there was a little red exclamation mark. And I was like, that looks a bit scary. And you know, had had a couple of vodka lime sodas too so I didn't really know what was going on. I clicked on it, my licence had been suspended.
Alex Hourigan
She's going to jail, folks!
Sally McMullen
Yep, speed demon! Not really. What had happened was, I got a letter from the government, but this actually happened while Alex and I had COVID. So I was in quarantine in my apartment, couldn't go down to the mailbox. So I totally missed it and basically, they told me, it's the nerdiest thing ever, that I needed to go get an eye test. Because I hadn't had an eye test since I got my licence when I was, I don't know 20 or whatever. And it was going to be suspended within seven days if I didn't go get this eye test. So, if I hadn't had gone to Frankie's, and opened up my app to show my licence, I wouldn't have known, if I hadn't checked my mailbox because I just never do, I never think to check it.
Alex Hourigan
So the life lesson here isn't to check your mailbox, it's to go to Frankie's and go to the bar.
Sally McMullen
Exactly! All the good things happen at Frankie's, I'll change it to that.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, good idea. I like that.
Sally McMullen
But um, yeah, now that you've learned from our mistakes, let's get the gals in here. Cartia and Ashton, as we mentioned, are the hosts of the 'Common Chaos' podcast, which we love. It's basically a show all about managing the chaos in your life, which is an absolute mood.
Alex Hourigan
Relatable, relatable content.
Sally McMullen
But we also love following them for all of their beauty recommendations, fashion tips. They're truly a fashion inspo, definitely saved one or, one or two of their outfits in my time. And they're just a total vibe, two sweethearts. So we're very excited to have them both on the show. Welcome, Cartier and Ashton.
Cartia Mallan
Hi!
Ashton Wood
Hello.
Alex Hourigan
So, you guys have had a very lovely friendship, obviously, which we've seen all over socials and you've had a lot of different terrains. You know, you've lived in different states. Now you kind of live together, you've both been in relationships. One of you've been single, you know, it's kind of been a whole whirlwind.
Sally McMullen
Moving to London.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah! Like travelled together and now you're working together, living together, and you're also best friends, and you know,
Cartia Mallan
Doing the whole thing.
Alex Hourigan
Every waking minute together. So how do you guys kind of navigate your friendship when you spend so much time together? Do you ever find yourselves like, butting heads? Have you ever had any arguments? Like, how do you navigate that?
Ashton Wood
I would say we don't ever really butt heads and we never get sick of each other.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah, it's weird.
Ashton Wood
Like, we weirdly just can spend endless time together. And it's fine. I mean, we've had like a very, very, very few situations where we've had to just like sit down and have a chat and work through like very minor things, but nothing major. Like, and I think before we went into this business, we really like kind of set the expectations and made sure that our friendship is priority no matter what. And like, I think we both love each other so much and care about the friendship so much that if things do pop up, we always want to work through it. Like it's not like we'd ever want to just walk away from either of it.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah, like the other day, we had, like our first kind of little moment where we're like, hey, like, I was thinking, I need to discuss some things and Ashton wanted to discuss some things with me and like, the vibe was just a bit weird. And it's just, like, never weird between us. So we could both feel it and we just sat down and we're like, okay, and like, I'm really bad at, like, confrontational conversations when like, I love someone so much I just don't want to, like ever upset them. And I like, shy away from it but we just had a big chat. I was like, I feel like, you know, our work stresses are getting in the way of like, our friendship and like, I think we just need to talk and like, she's literally the best. Like, I, I go so weird and she's just like, I'm here, like, I understand, I'm listening, like, and I think like, when anything with friendships stuff starts getting weird, like communication really does just help so much. Like we both felt so much better after and, like, you know, everyone says communication is key and I always give people that advice, but like, I need to take my own a lot of the time too, like.
Alex Hourigan
I think the thing as well is when they're kind of is, like, a little bit of a moment. Like, maybe you've gone out with a friend and you kind of got a bit drunk and, you know, said some tense things or whatever the idea of having the conversation is more anxiety inducing than having the conversation.
Cartia Mallan
100%. When you build it up in your head and you like, push, like prolong it, it makes it worse.
Ashton Wood
It festers.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah!
Alex Hourigan
Now that you're living together, what's like, the weirdest thing that you've learned about each other or that you notice the other one does? Read each other for filth, right now.
Cartia Mallan
Ashton is the biggest clean freak in the world! Like, no actually your a germ, a germaphobe, because you can be really messy like your old apartment was like a bomb and I used to go over and clean for her because it would give me so much anxiety and OCD. But germaphobe, like, everything needs to be sanitised and washed and wiped down and if someone's, like, else has come into the house, like, watch her probably frickin like double cleaning things like and I'm just there, like, I'll share drinks with whoever, I don't care what, like, I'll bite out of the same thing. She won't even share, like, a cup with someone. It's, I get so offended I'm, like, I am literally your best friend like we are this close and you won't even slip out of the same straw as me.
Sally McMullen
I would be offended too.
I feel like this would be you as well.
Fully. I'm the clean freak in our relationship.
Alex Hourigan
She has a cleaning _
Cartia Mallan
I love cleaning and having a clean space but the, the germ thing I'm like,
Ashton Wood
It's a bit too far. Like if I, every time I go to use a cup, I don't know if you've noticed, I always have to rinse it even if it's been washed and it's in the cupboard, clean-
Cartia Mallan
It's just some crazy shit.
Ashton Wood
- I have to, like, rinse it again. Carts, I already knew this about her but, like, I think living together just like reminded me. She loves doing everything naked. When we first moved into the, when we were looking at this apartment, we first moved in, her first thing was "Yes! Like, no one can see in I can walk around naked". So the other day I'm taking a nap and I wake up from my nap and I, like, hear the vacuuming and, like, I walk outside and we look at each other and she goes, "Ahh!", and she's vacuuming butt naked!
Alex Hourigan
You know that meme that's like "You either have a naked neighbour or you are the naked neighbour", you are the naked neighbour.
Sally McMullen
So you both, you know, work a lot in the influencer space. Have you ever come across you know, any nasty relationships, you know, in that field? Or how do you go with, like, making friends in that industry?
Cartia Mallan
We're lucky in Australia, I think there's like quite a nice group of us and, like, I you know, I've been doing this since I was like 17. So I feel like I've found a few people that like me and Sammy Robinson kind of started at the same time, we've had a close friendship and we helped each other a lot when we first started. And like there's quite a lot of really nice people I think that I've been friends with for years and that we hang out with but there is definitely like, people that just like maybe aren't really our people, I guess.
Ashton Wood
Yeah.
Cartia Mallan
Different morals and values and, like, beliefs and stuff and, like, it's clashed on, like, more of, like, a social setting kind of thing, not in person, but it's just kind of like things have happened and they're not really our close, close friends.
Ashton Wood
Yeah.
Cartia Mallan
Not people we associate with on a personal level, it would be more on just, like, industry level.
Ashton Wood
Yeah, and it's like, you're not you, in any industry, not everyone in the office gets along, so it's kind of the exact same thing. It's like, there's just lots of different types of people and I feel like, because like, you know, we've actually both done it for quite a while now, I think we, well I started because I was just passionate about video editing and creativity and helping people and that's still my goal. But then there's all the fluff and I think there's just some people in the industry that you can tell that are kind of in it for the wrong reasons, and they take advantage, a lot of the amazing, like, blessings we have. And I think something that Ashton I always try and do is like, we always acknowledge our privilege and like, always sit with each other and be like, 'how lucky are we?'. And we always try and check in on that because I think, you know, there's some people within our industry and space that just like, "I deserve this and this and this and this".
Alex Hourigan
And you can tell man, like you can tell when they're there. And you're like this was, so this was a paycheck. Lovely.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah.
Sally McMullen
Absolutely.
Alex Hourigan
And like sure, you've got to get your coin, but you also as a consumer, can tell. Like, it's just so obvious.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah.
Ashton Wood
I think for both of us as well, we always try and work with brands that align with our brand, like we're never just trying to like, I mean, this is off topic now.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah, no!
Ashton Wood
But yeah, we always try and align ourselves with people and brands that align with us. And I think like what Carts said, I think every day, pretty much every day, we're always grateful for anything in our life, like we, gratitude comes back and really humbles you.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah, but I think like, I've definitely gotten a bit stricter with what events I'm going to, who I'm hanging out with, like, I'm not just hanging for the sake of it. And yeah, just being around people that uplift and support what you're doing. And I feel like that, it really is in Aus, there is a really nice group of that and you know, people support when someone's brand comes out or whatever, but either of us have had no crazy beef with literally anyone but there's certainly some people that I'm like, maybe that's not my person.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, I'm just gonna swerve left, you go right.
Cartia Mallan
I try and keep to myself a lot anyways, with industry stuff lately more so, I just feel like it can get really draining sometimes. But yeah, it's easy having, like, someone, you know, that I can work with now that kind of just removes you from feeling the need to, you know, always be involved in everything.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, that makes sense. At the moment, you girls are living your fabulously single lives, right? But my question is, what's like the spiciest DM slide you've had?
Ashton Wood
Okay, so I technically DMed them.
Alex Hourigan
Oh my god, I love this already.
Ashton Wood
Literally as, kind of just like thinking they would never reply, and I was just like, "Hi". And then the next day I woke up and they're like, "Hi, Ashton", and I was like-
Alex Hourigan
Who is it?
Ashton Wood
It was [bleep]
Alex Hourigan
From Vampire Diaries?
Ashton Wood
Yeah.
Cartia Mallan
I was like, "wait, we should do some Google's", and I'm, like, almost positive he's married. Wait-
Ashton Wood
But I didn't know that at the time.
Cartia Mallan
-Should we be exposing him right now? I mean.
Ashton Wood
Yeah, it was just super friendly. I think he was probably, like, wondering what I was wanting? I appreciate him replying. That's really nice. But that's my, like, spiciest.
Cartia Mallan
Who's min? I have lots of, like, random artists like Vince Staples used to like, chat with me and we actually became friends. I used to hang out with him at festivals and then randomly started DMing me. All of a sudden, he has a child! And I was like, "Wait, wait, why are you even DMing me when you literally like a baby mama?" And you like, it was just a whole weird thing. He's like, "Yeah, I'm gonna come to Aus", and I was like, "It's really cool", but yeah, that's just random artists here and there.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, me too.
Sally McMullen
Got Harry Styles on the blower.
Cartia Mallan
I think I've tried DMing Harry Styles once and I like, got nervous and unsent it because I was like, 'oh, when he actually is my husband, like, I don't want him to, like, go back through this and be like, "Oh, she was a fan"'.
Alex Hourigan
I DMed Zac Efron, I was just, I was drunk, I was like "Hey, I have a question", and that was it.
Ashton Wood
Did he reply?
Alex Hourigan
No!
Sally McMullen
You need something to hook them in, so he wants to know.
Alex Hourigan
Like, is he gonna be curious? What's my question? Didn't work though.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, you're like, "I'll figure out the question later".
Alex Hourigan
Yeah. Didn't work, though.
Sally McMullen
So this is a tough question. But what's harder: a friendship breakup or a relationship breakup?
Cartia Mallan
Relationship breakup, 100%. That type of love is so different for me to like, oh, it's not so different but, if I'm gonna date someone, I will potentially marry you like, I don't half ass date, I'm like, I'm all in or nothing kind of person. So it's like, my whole future then crumbles, like, the idea of my future. But for me a friendship breakup. I feel like people come into your, like, life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, and friendships and people can serve you for a certain amount of time. And I think the minute that it's not working for either of you, then there's no point holding more space. And I also believe, a friendship breakups not always forever. I've had so many like, moments off with some friends that were really, I was really close with them. We've all kind of come back together when we were both ready to facilitate each other better. So, friendship breakups suck, but nowhere near as much as my last breakup.
Ashton Wood
That was your first love too.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah, yeah.
Alex Hourigan
The worst.
Ashton Wood
I think it depends on the friendship, because if you and I broke up?
Cartia Mallan
If it was us, it would be a really different story.
Ashton Wood
Yeah, if it's like a long, long, like intense friendship, it would feel very similar. Like another close friend of mine, we had like a tiny bit of a fallout a couple of years ago and that felt like a breakup. Like every day, I was waking up with anxiety and like she was too and we, like, spoke and we were crying. It was, like, it was bad. And then obviously, like you said, I think it's a lot easier to come back together and mend it than like, love. But it just also depends on how hard they hurt you. Like if it's a friend that like, bloody, like slept with your boyfriend or something.
Cartia Mallan
Oh, that would just.
Ashton Wood
You know, you're losing both as well. Like,
Sally McMullen
That's a double whammy.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah
Cartia Mallan
I think being betrayed by a friend is the worst. I also feel like I'm really like sour about friendship breakouts now because I've gone through so many just like, I've gotten used to it that I almost, like I was saying to Ashton like, it was so sad, I was like, I'm just so used to, like, losing people in friendships. But like, I feel like because I evolve and grow so much and my life moves fast I feel like it's just kind of what comes with it. So, like, the ones that I, you know, have I nurture and not like, love them so much. So, maybe now it would be harder that I've cleared a lot of people out, you know, so I don't know.
Alex Hourigan
That's good. You recognise your worth and have your grow. That's important.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah, I just want like, I think with friendships, I want to be around people that love and support me like 110,000,000%. And then I do the exact same, you know, like, I don't want to show up half assed for anyone. So yeah.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, I think as you go into your 20s, that's kind of how everybody gets as well. Because you're used to having a big group of friends from school and then you know, slowly snip.
Cartia Mallan
Yeah, it's good, though. My mom always says you just made like, one or two people and like, it's just solid, you know?
Alex Hourigan
Sex and the City, like, four.
Cartia Mallan
Yes! You need that little gang.
Alex Hourigan
That's like what we always say like, you just need your four Sex and the City queens and you're set.
Sally McMullen
Well, thanks for coming on the show, gals.
Cartia Mallan
Thanks for having us.
Sally McMullen
Thanks again to Ashton and Cartier for coming on the show. We've got a very special episode of Add To Cart with the gals coming up this Thursday. We hit them with the hard questions about their beauty bag must haves, wardrobe essentials and also their biggest shopping regret, so make sure to tune in to that, it's a fun one. As always, you can find us on Instagram @twobrokechicks as well as TikTok and we also have a new Facebook group called Broke Chicks Club. Head over there for all the juicy BTS and to see a photo of Alex's burnt nail, because I know you want to. If you want to be unbroke, head to the gram right now to win one of three $1,000 vouchers. Head on over to @twobrokechicks for all of the T&Cs and throw your hat in the ring. Thank you to our executive producer Pariya Taherzadeh and Bamby Media for editing our audio and video.
Alex Hourigan
Ja'dore.
Sally McMullen
And thank you for having us in your ear holes.
Alex Hourigan
Bye bye now.
Sally McMullen
Bye, bitches.
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