The Block room reveal recap: Dark, moody and a little drunk
The judges tie one on as they tear our contestants a new one.
It’s another room reveal night on The Block, and time to see how the contestants have done with their “anything but a bedroom” challenge. Hopefully at least one of them has taken the brief to heart and built five lion robots that combine into one giant robot.
In a welcome change, all the teams seem to be on track to finish. That is, until Clint and Hannah discover they’ve made a grave error in planning. The floor-to-ceiling cabinets meant to flank their fireplace haven’t taken the cornicing into account, meaning they’ll end up being “floor-to-awkward-spot-several-centimetres-below-the-ceiling” cabinets.
The cabinetmakers say they can rectify the situation, but Clint and Hannah’s builder tells the couple there’s no way the cabinets will be finished in enough time to get them properly painted. He suggests they ditch the cabinets. I’d listen to him. I mean he is the guy who built that awesome bathroom you ended up having to demo and start from scratch. Clearly he knows his stuff. Thankfully, the two find some pre-made replacement cabinets, though they’re more “floor-to-halfway-to-ceiling”.
Ronnie and Georgia have no such dramas, as their room is coming together well. Georgia tells us they want to create a “dark and moody” space with their extra lounge room. Maybe that’s the design palette Josh and Elyse should have applied to their teen room last week.
Sticks and Wombat are feeling anything but dark. Their diminutive office is nearing completion. This isn’t that impressive considering it’s roughly the size of a broom closet, but they still seem proud. They’re particularly chuffed about their standing desk, which they test out with an almost erotic glee.
Before they can get too excited to sully this family-friendly show, judges Neale Whittaker, Shaynna Blaze and Darren Palmer arrive to serve as a figurative cold shower.
First up are Jason and Sarah. The couple get high marks for their painting, which no longer appears to have been done by Jackson Pollock. They also get some praise for “styling on a budget”, which I think is a nice way to say, “this room looks cheap”.
They get less positive reviews for their ceiling, which features skylights and an ornate ceiling rose. Neale says it’s “complicated” and “top-heavy”, which, incidentally, is how I used to describe myself on dating sites.
Jason and Sarah's room.
Next up are Hannah and Clint, and the judges are immediately wowed by the couple’s classy sitting room. They love the fireplace, and even shower praise on the store-bought replacement cabinets. Then they notice the scotch, and proceed to sit back and get comfortably hammered. Neale manages to slur that the room is “convivial”, which draws nothing but blank stares from the teams when conveyed to them by Scott Cam. Note to the Australian school system: Vocabulary curriculum is not “superfluous”.
Hannah and Clint's room.
Ronnie and Georgia’s “dark and moody” room is next, and in a beautiful bit of schadenfreude, the judges hate it. Between the couple’s design aesthetic and the bellies full of cheap scotch, Darren, Neale and Shaynna look to be in legitimate danger of spewing.
Neale says the room is as wrong as Clint and Hannah’s was right. The judges are particularly nonplussed by Ronnie’s non-functional fireplace, which Darren says appears to be “taking the piss”. At least it does something. The judges agree that the room looks like a cheap nightclub. In other words, the kind of place you’d stumble into after four or five scotches.
Ronnie and Georgia's room.
Filled with fresh vitriol and reeking of booze, the judges head to Sticks and Wombat’s micro-office, which Shaynna calls “a cupboard with a desk”. Darren says that the Feng Shui is all wrong, and argues that he would hate working at a desk with his back to the door. To be fair, the room is so small that your back would technically be in the hall. There is a brief moment of praise for the standing desk, though, which the judges find as seductive as Sticks and Wombat did.
Sticks and Wombat's room.
Finally, the judges head to Josh and Elyse’s library. They love the day bed next to the room’s desk. Neale says he can imagine what he would do in the room. My guess is sleep off his visit to Hannah and Clint’s room. The judges are also impressed with the bespoke bookcases Josh has built. They’re less impressed that the two chose a desk chair that won’t fit under the desk, and have left the room’s lone window shamefully undressed. A nude window is just too scandalous a sight for Elsternwick.
Josh and Elyse's room.
Finally, it’s time to tally the scores. And … wait for it …
You guys …
HANNAH AND CLINT $%&*^# WIN IT, BABY! YEAH, DAWG! WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!
|Jason and Sarah||8||7||7 (-1)||21|
|Hannah and Clint||9.5||9.5||9.5||28.5|
|Ronnie and Georgia||7||7||7||21|
|Sticks and Wombat||6||6.5||8.5||21|
|Josh and Elyse||8.5||9||9||26.5|
Ahem. Sorry. That was … inelegant.
Missed an episode? You can read our recaps of every episode of The Block 2017 here.