The Block recap: The goggles do nothing (17.10.2016)
It was time last night on The Block for the contestants to judge one another’s work, and they didn’t hold back.
In an episode that could have been appropriately titled “Bitchin’ about kitchens”, the contestants heaped ridicule on one another.
I could go into long-winded detail about the nature and magnitude of nitpickery each pair subjected the others’ kitchens to, but it’s easier to provide a brief summary: Kim and Chris hate Julia and Sasha’s kitchen. Julia and Sasha hate Kim and Chris’ kitchen. Kim and Chris hate Dan and Carleen’s kitchen. Kim and Chris don’t know what a truffle is when they happen upon one in Karlie and Will’s kitchen. Andy and Ben act like loveable goof-offs who are auditioning to be cut-rate Hamish and Andy stand-ins.
Back to the reality of The Block, and the couples are doing their terrace and a re-do room. Host Scott Cam graciously offered an extra $5,000 to help the couples with their re-do rooms. For some, this extra money is just a top up, and despite all couples crying poor, Karlie and Will, Carleen and Dan and Kim and Chris actually have more than enough to finish the build. For Julia and Sasha and Andy and Ben this money was just to cover any outstandings they may have, and allowed them to know they are not quite in the red. The couples also had the massive task of finishing all the common areas, which means Kim will have to be on top of her Forewoman duties.
Hearing of the boy’s plight, Scott offered to help them out with a crash course in taking on some of the work they may usually get a tradie to do like plastering. However, after seeing the massive amount of work the boys had ahead of them, his advice basically became, “You’re screwed”. He suggested instead they clean their apartment to win the McCafe Quality Award. He doled out the same advice to Julia and Sasha, making himself and McCafe appear duplicitous and conniving, just as we’d always suspected.
Scott is optimistic he can help the boys. Source: Channel 9.
Scott realises the boys need a lot more than just optimism. Source: Channel 9.
Scott also, out of the goodness of his heart *cough* opportunity for massive product placement *cough*, called up his “mates” at Mitre 10 to help the couples out. He informed the couples the hardware company would offer $5,000 to spend at one of its stores, adding that Mitre 10 was “mighty helpful”. Hmm, now where have I heard that before?
Scott and Mitre 10 give the contestants another $5,000 each. Source: Channel 9.
The episode also treated us to some treasure hunting, as Scott took the teams to the beach and had them search for tins filled with the fines he’d collected for previous infractions. In a near-perfect analogy for trickle-down economics, the already-rich Karlie and Will ended up with $5,000, Kim and Chris snared $2,500 and the neediest teams got a big load of nothing.
Karlie wins some cash. Source: Channel 9.
Karlie wins more cash. Source: Channel 9.
Kim grooves on after winning some cash. Source: Channel 9.
We also got treated to far more of Dan than we ever wanted to see as the Blockheads got spray tans for a publicity photoshoot. Again, the show missed a brilliant opportunity for product placement as they could have advertised bleach to allow us all to clean our eyes after seeing Dan parading around in budgie smugglers.
My eyes! Source: Channel 9.
The blockheads pose for their new boyband album *ahem* Woman's Day shoot. Source: Channel 9.
Finally, the contestants were met with a challenge to make cocktails and canapés for mystery celebrity guests. But it turns out the show couldn’t find any celebrities, and had to settle for Human Nature.