The Block recap (28.08.2017): Josh’s shelf-help seminar

Adam Smith 28 August 2017 NEWS

The Block Ep 18Things get a bit too heavy for two of our contestants.

As we begin a new week tonight on The Block, our winners Hannah and Clint are enjoying their night away in a relaxing retreat.

It would be relaxing, that is, if not for all the HORRIFYINGLY DEAD-EYED TAXIDERMIED ANIMALS.

Hannah extols the virtues of the retreat, saying that every room in the house “tells a story”. Yeah, I think I’ve heard that story before, Hannah.

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Back at the Block, the teams’ wild card rooms are open for inspection and our winners are first to face the judgment of their fellow contestants. Everyone seems to agree that Hannah and Clint richly deserved their first win, with Jason and Sarah saying they want to stay in the room all day. Of course, anything that involves remaining totally sedentary gets a big tick from Jason and Sarah.

Next up are Josh and Elyse. Proving my earlier point, Jason immediately makes himself at home on the couple’s day bed. The other teams love the couple’s highbrow library. Georgia says it’s a great place to read books, which sets it apart from other libraries.

Jason and Sarah’s spare lounge is next, and the other teams seem to agree that the couple was hard done by the judges. Wombat opines that the room’s quality isn’t far behind winners Hannah and Clint, and Sticks punctuates this thought by knocking over a plant and then fleeing the scene.

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Next up is Ronnie and Georgia’s nightclub lounge, which Elyse immediately calls “dark and moody”. Nailed it! The other teams seem to agree that the room is below the expert renovators’ usual standard, but they are happy to use it for a quick impromptu dance party.

Screen Shot 2017-08-28 at 3.48.26 pm That's right. Dance away the rage.

Finally, the contestants inspect Sticks and Wombat’s broom closet. At this point, Ronnie and Georgia feel a bit hard done by, as their room got the same score as the boys’ shoebox diorama of an office. Then everyone notices the standing desk and loses their entire minds. I’d never thought of a standing desk as the pinnacle of man’s triumph over nature, but apparently I’ve been selling them short.

Now it’s time to get stuck into this week’s task. The teams will be tackling a combined living and dining room in the new addition of the houses. Sarah tells us that, after the emotion of last week, she’s “just not feeling it” this week. This is a wildly different attitude from previous weeks, when she "couldn’t be bothered", "wasn’t into it", "felt unmotivated" or "just wanted to go home". It shows some real growth.

What Jason and Sarah are feeling is the pinch of their dwindling funds. Scott Cam’s “come to Jesus” budget meeting with Sarah a couple weeks back apparently hasn’t sunk in, as the pair are planning to splash out thousands on a suspended fireplace. I don’t know if that means a fireplace hanging from the ceiling or a fireplace that has been temporarily prevented from happening.

Foreman Dan rightly points out that it might not be wise to spend half their room’s budget on a single design element when they might need to pay for higher priority items like walls and a ceiling. I guess that answers my question about suspended fireplaces.

Speaking of suspended, Josh once again finds himself facing a work stoppage due to getting too far ahead of himself. He and Elyse are planning a floating concrete shelf to run the length of their room and out into the backyard. What is it with these contestants and unsupported design elements?

Unfortunately, all that concrete is set to weigh in at approximately one metric assload, and the floor is only rated for a quarter of an assload. Foremen Keith and Dan are not happy, and say the plan will need approval from the site engineer. Devotees may remember the engineer as the kindly old fellow who gently explained to Josh and his builder that roofs have to be held up by walls.

Screen Shot 2017-08-28 at 3.49.44 pm "BWAHAHAHAHA! They want to do WHAT?!

But Josh is a man who can’t be sidelined by naysayers, societal conventions, common sense or concern for the safety of others. He and his builder move ahead with framing up the concrete, only to cop another tongue lashing from Keith and Dan. The foremen tell the pair they may have to dismantle their framework to reinforce the floor with assload-bearing steel beams.

No matter how heavy the concrete shelf ends up being, it won’t outweigh the awkwardness we witness when archenemies Elyse and Georgia end up at the same shop at the same time. Just two minutes of watching these two try to ignore each other’s existence is like distilling every episode of The Office into a liquid and injecting it into your jugular.

Apparently, Elyse feels the same way, because she has to go blow off steam with a workout. It turns out her trainer is former Bachelor Sam Wood, who she says is an old friend. Wait, reality contestants from two different networks hanging out together?

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Missed an episode? You can read our recaps of every episode of The Block 2017 here.

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