The Block 2017 recap: Winning by whining

Adam Smith 19 September 2017 NEWS

The Block Ep 30Tonight one couple proves that if you can't win on your own, you can always cry until you get your way.

As we open a new week, room reveal winners Josh and Elyse are enjoying their getaway without a care in the world after presenting the perfect kitchen.

Or so they think.

The getaway gives Josh a chance to get in a surf, and host Scott Cam to mercilessly make fun of his surfing skills.

Regardless, the pair are all smiles as they get a chopper back to the Block. I swear, this show has more helicopters than Apocalypse Now.

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"I love the smell of renovation in the morning!"

Back at the Block, it’s open for inspection time, and this is where the week’s drama begins.

First up are Hannah and Clint, and everyone is full of praise for the couple’s kitchen with its abundance of booze storage. Sarah is surprised it finished last, but this is a big call considering she hasn’t seen any of the other rooms yet.

Next are Sticks and Wombat, and everyone seems to believe the boys’ BFF Elyse had a hand in styling the room. While they get high marks for their island bench, their fellow contestants agree with the judges that Sticks and Wombat need to soften their style. For their next room, perhaps they should add some gelatinous elements.

Ronnie and Georgia’s kitchen is next, and their fellow contestants are blown away by the pair’s range hoodless cooktop and the general level of finish. Jason and Sarah agree that the styling needs a splash of colour. Jason suggests yellow flowers, because he says yellow always makes people happy. Yup, just ask all those people from the Yellow Fever Epidemic of 1878. They were smilin’.

Second-place finishers Jason and Sarah are next, and Ronnie says their kitchen looks like a kitchen of the future. Given the speed with which the two work, most of their rooms will be consigned to the distant future. Ronnie and Georgia do express a bit of concern about Jason and Sarah’s child-decapitating concrete bench return.

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The kitchen guillotine

Finally, it’s winners Josh and Elyse, and here our troubles begin. Ronnie has his share of criticism, which is what we’ve come to expect, but it’s Jason who actually touches off controversy. He notices that the couple’s Caesarstone splash back is too close to their gas cooktop, and therefore non-compliant. Will he warn Josh and Elyse that they need to rectify the problem? No, he decides the mature course of action is to run crying to an adult. He says the two didn’t deserve their perfect score, and he intends to take it up with Scott Cam.

When Josh and Elyse return from their getaway, Foreman Keith makes the two aware of the problem. Easy, Josh says. They’ll just replace the gas range with an induction one. Keith agrees, and that should be the end of it, right?

Nope. Scott Cam calls the teams together and says the non-compliant cooktop means Josh and Elyse will have points deducted, putting them even with Jason and Sarah. As a result, Jason and Sarah now reap a $10,000 windfall.

In addition to squandering money, Jason and Sarah are also experts at squandering audience goodwill.

Jason tells us he never intended for Josh and Elyse to have points deducted from their score. This rings slightly hollow, considering 10 minutes ago he told us that was exactly what he intended.

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"I never expected the absolute most obvious thing to happen."

Of course, this all comes to a head when the couple are confronted by their fellow contestants at dinner. Jason and Sarah seem genuinely surprised that the others would resent their ill-gotten gains. Apparently they attended the Lance Armstrong School of Competitive Ethics.

But there’s little time to dwell on this. Tonight, buyers advocates Nicole Jacobs, Greville Pabst and Frank Valentic will compete to see who has a stranger name. Tough luck, Nicole.

Once this is decided, they’ll be assessing the contestants’ homes to see which has the most sales potential. On offer is a $10,000 prize.

One thing becomes very clear as the trio survey our Blockheads’ work. These guys are much tougher judges than our actual judges.

The upshot is that they feel Jason and Sarah’s upstairs lacks the sophistication of their upstairs. Not surprising, Jason tells us, considering they spent the equivalent of Australia’s GDP on the downstairs and were forced to build the upstairs using driftwood and old rubbish.

The judges are quite impressed by Clint and Hannah’s second living space, and even like the much-maligned mid-wall separating their living and dining room.

Ronnie and Georgia’s house draws a lot of praise, with Nicole going so far as to say she probably has a buyer for them. Josh and Elyse also impress the judges who love the couple’s study and are blown away by the living space created by their kitchen, dining and living rooms.

And then there’s Sticks and Wombat.

The boys absolutely cop it from the buyers advocates, with Greville saying he doesn’t even want to show buyers through. The main criticism is that everything appears too “blokey” and needs to be softened.

The scores are tallied, and Ronnie and Georgia score a win.

GrevilleNicoleFrankTotal
Jason and Sarah87.57.523
Hannah and Clint76.5821.5
Ronnie and Georgia8.58925.5
Sticks and Wombat7.56.5620
Josh and Elyse98.57.525

More importantly, Sticks and Wombat are reeling from all the criticism. They say they need some serious help moving forward. The two have yet to score a room win. But, take heart boys. Tonight has taught us that if you can’t win on your own merits, you can always win by dobbing in someone else.

Missed an episode? You can read our recaps of every episode of The Block 2017 here.

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