The Block 2017 recap: The unwashed masses descend
The Block is open for inspection and our contestants are still living in the past.
It’s finally time to open the Block up the great unwashed masses, allowing them to lasciviously paw through our contestants' bedding and leave a trail of effluvia throughout the houses. More than 20,000 people with nothing better to do have flocked to the Block, many of whom are disturbingly cosplaying as the contestants.
Now, for us it’s been a mere day since last we were assaulted by The Block, but our contestants have all gone back to their normal lives for many weeks. What have they been up to, you wisely decide not to ask? Well, too bad, because you’re getting a package on EACH ONE OF THEM. Twice.
Clint and Hannah have relocated to Brunswick and slotted comfortably into a hip Melbourne lifestyle, which could make for a hilarious fish-out-of-water sitcom premise. The two say they’re trying their hand at renovating professionally. I love you guys, but you realise you came last most of the time, right?
Jason and Sarah are actually finishing their own renovation project after many years of living in a house that looked slightly less finished than many of their rooms on reveal day.
Ronnie and Georgia have also gotten stuck back into renovating. The two have returned to Perth and jumped into a new project, though without four neighbours who hate them it might seem less fulfilling.
Sticks and Wombat have taken on their own renovation project as well, turning Wombat’s shipping container into a slightly more liveable space.
"Don't worry. I still poop in a bucket."
Josh and Elyse are also planning on … wait for it … renovating. Why does everyone from this show spend their lives trying to recreate the show? It’s not like people get kicked off Survivor and decide, “Maybe I can find a way to go without bathing and drink my own pee professionally”.
At any rate, it’s time to open the Block up for inspection. The houses will be examined by thousands of interested onlookers, none of whom have any money.
Along the way, Alice Stolz from Domain gives us her take on each of the finished products. She sees Jason and Sarah as strong contenders, and actually doesn’t like Ronnie and Georgia’s chances. She predicts the win will go to Josh and Elyse.
But it’s not down to Alice today. The public are voting on who they think has the best house. And if recent elections in countries which shall remain nameless are any indication, the public NEVER gets it wrong.
Eager to prove my point, the voting public chooses Sticks and Wombat. But that’s actually a fair call. They might not have the best house, but they are the best people.
Finally, Clint and Hannah call one last body corporate meeting, because the teams all miss seeing the worst parts of human nature revealed. The pair want to remove their spa and replace it with decking. It seems some backyard flooding has shorted out the electrical components. Yup. Spas and water are a dangerous combination.
No-one seems to have an issue with this, until we get to Jason and Sarah. They want one more chance on national television to be just the worst. In the end, they begrudgingly agree, and Jason gets another opportunity to make Ronnie look good by comparison.
Missed an episode? You can read our recaps of every episode of The Block 2017 here.