The Block 2017 recap: Some cringeworthy performances

Adam Smith 21 September 2017 NEWS

The Block Ep 32Our Blockheads spend tonight proving that they’re way better renovators than comedians.

Tonight is the exciting conclusion of last night’s bizarre cooking challenge. The episode begins with an homage to the Masterchef opening credits sequence and voiceover that reveals that even Scott Cam doesn’t understand the point of this challenge.

Celebrity judges Dave Hughes and Kate Langbroek are just about to arrive, and the contestants have to both feed and entertain the pair in a strange amalgam of Masterchef and Australia’s Got Talent.

We start at Jason and Sarah’s, and if it’s any indication of what’s to come Hughesy and Kate are in for a LONG evening. Jason has dressed as a geisha and Sarah introduces him as Katsui. I’m serious. This is a thing that happened.

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I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise on behalf of this show to all people everywhere

Shelley Craft says Jason’s deeply offensive pantomime is like “a genuine travel experience”. Yeah, to the 1950s. Mickey Rooney’s character in Breakfast At Tiffany’s showed more cultural sensitivity. Yikes.

Now it’s on to Clint and Hannah’s house, who’ve decided to take a bold gamble by not exploiting racial stereotypes. We’ll see if it pays off.

Clint welcomes his guests with freshly made espresso martinis. Of course, Dave Hughes quite famously doesn’t drink alcohol, so our Queensland couple are nailing the brief so far.

It’s on from there to Ronnie and Georgia’s, and the couple decide to roast their guests with some lighthearted barbs that don’t land even in the slightest. Hughesy and Kate just sit there looking as confused as we all feel.

Now it’s on to Sticks and Wombat’s, and the boys have gone to the trouble of packaging their meal in a Youfoodz container and having a custom label printed for it. They entertain their guests around a campfire to give them a true Block experience, and cap the evening off with some awkward dancing.

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No comment necessary

The boys are fairly confident their portion of the evening was a swing and a miss. You haven’t seen the other contestants’ attempts, guys.

Finally, what must seem like the longest evening of their lives comes to an end as Kate and Dave head to Josh and Elyse’s. They’ve impressed their guests by serving their dish in roasted pumpkin bowls, though that’s probably going to be tough to package in a Youfoodz container. Josh and Elyse try their hand at some prop comedy and it is spectacularly unfunny, yet still many millions of times funnier than any Carrot Top routine.

Hughesy and Kate have a tough choice as all the contestants made them feel equally uncomfortable, but Sticks and Wombat end up getting the win.

With this mercifully out of the way, it’s back to work on ACTUAL RENOVATION. Scott Cam, Shelley Craft and Domain’s Alice Stolz are here for their weekly inspection. Thankfully the contestants don’t have to try out their comedy chops on the trio.

Jason and Sarah particularly impress, and Scott Cam says he thinks the pair could be a chance this week. That is if they finish, which is always a line call.

During the inspections, we also learn that Clint is considering doing his carpentry apprenticeship with Josh after the show is over. I don’t have a joke for that. I just think it’s delightful.

Ronnie and Georgia and Sticks and Wombat both cop a bit of criticism for the arches in their hallways. Ronnie and Georgia stand firm while Sticks and Wombat decide to tear their arch out. The pair are taking feedback onboard and have brought in a local artist to help give the house a more feminine feel. They stop short of buying a Georgia O’Keefe print or commissioning an Annie Sprinkle performance.

In the end, Jason and Sarah take the victory for the week. In a spot of bad luck, though, they’ve had to tear up the floorboards in their hall to fix the floor joists, which has put them behind. If you’re going to score a victory, why not make it a Pyrrhic one?

Missed an episode? You can read our recaps of every episode of The Block 2017 here.

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