The Block 2017 recap: Cooking up some awkwardness

Adam Smith 20 September 2017

The Block Ep 31It’s tools down and utensils up for our contestants.

We’re midway through hallway and laundry week, and everyone is hard at work on what the contestants say is a vital part of the house. You know the old saying. “Hallways sell houses.”

Ronnie and Georgia have big plans that include an archway. They tell us they chose their house because of its hallway. I guess it had nothing to do with the giant safe in one of the rooms.

Josh and Elyse understand the importance of hallway week as well. Elyse tells us it’s the very first impression buyers will get. Other than the outside of the house, of course.

Sticks and Wombat are having a hard time focusing on their hallway, though, as they’re still reeling from last night’s feedback from the buyers advocates, who basically said that the boys’ house should be demolished, burnt to the ground and then the earth should be salted so nothing will grow there.

They’ve brought in the site architect to help guide them in a softer direction. He tells them they need to make the house hygge. That’s helpful. Then he informs them that hygge isn’t a style so much as a feeling. Even more helpful. Either way, Sticks and Wombat take this to mean that they should demolish the timber feature wall in the dining room. Am I the only one who thought that feature wall was awesome?

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This hurts to watch

Wombat enlists Elyse to help him find the elusive hygge on a shopping trip. The friendship between these two is honestly one of the most heartwarming developments of this entire season. It’s a classic buddy cop scenario we’ve seen time and time again: The fresh-faced young supermodel and the grizzled old veteran who lives in a shipping container and poops in a bucket. I think we have our next Lethal Weapon.

Meanwhile, Jason and Sarah have learned a valuable lesson since their scare last week. They’re not going to drag their feet anymore and put themselves under the pump to finish their rooms.

Just kidding. They’re way behind.

Foremen Keith and Dan come by for the weekly exercise in futility that is lecturing Jason and Sarah. They take Jason to see Josh’s progress. This should give Jason a chance to see where his progress should be, and give him an opportunity to find compliance issues to cry to Scott Cam about. It’s a win-win.

Of course Josh is way ahead of Jason and Sarah. Jason puts this down to Josh having the unfair advantage of youth, an un-squandered budget and a supermodel girlfriend. Not sure how that last one ties in. But, sure Jason, the guy who started with an identical amount of money, an identical house and playing by an identical set of rules has the unfair advantage.

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Did I mention he also had a tough childhood? Man, this guy gets all the breaks!

Eager to continue avoiding actual work, Jason then goes on a tirade about some missing sheets of plaster. Apparently his plaster order has disappeared, and he suspects either Josh and Elyse or Clint and Hannah. Both teams vehemently deny the charges, and seem to be able to offer proof of their innocence. At this point I’m finding this guy so frustrating that I wish I had stolen his plaster.

Lest you think Jason’s woes are going to take up our whole episode, it’s also challenge night. Scott Cam and Shelley Craft assemble the teams to tell them about tonight’s task. They have to use their new kitchens to cook a meal for celebrity judges Dave Hughes and Kate Langbroek.

But wait, this is a renovation show, so that’s not all the teams will have to do. They’ll also have to … entertain Dave and Kate.

FFS.

The winning team will get $5,000 and have their dish incorporated into the Youfoodz menu. Youfoodz, for those who are unaware, makes those microwave meals the contestants are always conspicuously eating and shamelessly plugging. It’s the perfect prize for A SHOW ABOUT RENOVATION. $*%&#!

The teams all get busy planning their menus and their entertainment. Ronnie and Georgia decide they’ll roast Kate and Hughesy, which should be hilariously terrible. Clint and Hannah will entertain them with some line dancing. Hopefully they can dance all the way back to the early 90s when line dancing was culturally relevant. Sticks and Wombat are basically just going to be themselves, which is already far more entertaining than the average morning radio show. And Jason has decided to dress as a geisha, because cultural appropriation and casual racism are HILARIOUS.

Before Hughesy and Kate can be subjected to any of this, the episode draws to a close. It’s just too much excitement to contain in one night.

Missed an episode? You can read our recaps of every episode of The Block 2017 here.

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