The Block 2017 recap: A hurricane of awkwardness is unleashed
The awkwardness gets dialled up to 11 as accusations fly.
Perhaps you think you’ve witnessed awkwardness before. Perhaps you’ve said the wrong thing at precisely the wrong moment, or gossiped about someone when they were standing right behind you. Perhaps you actually are Larry David.
No matter. I assure you, no matter what you have experienced you have yet to sink to the depths of jaw-clenching social discomfort of tonight’s episode. You could soil your pants while shaking hands with the Pope and you’d feel less uncomfortable than you will watching these events unfold.
More on that later.
As we continue on living and dining room week, our contestants are hard at work, blissfully unaware of the storm raging on the horizon. These are simpler, happier times, and we begin with the revelation that it’s young Josh’s birthday. Nemeses Ronnie and Georgia bring him some birthday muffins as a sort of peace offering. Josh graciously accepts, but tells us that the whole exchange was awkward.
Josh, if only you knew.
Meanwhile, our loveable, good-natured Queenslanders Hannah and Clint are still enjoying their boost of confidence from last week’s win. They’re hard at work on their living and dining room, which they’ll be dividing with a feature wall and fireplace. Clint is deadset on incorporating a wine rack right next to said fireplace, and no-one seems capable of convincing him that wine shouldn’t be served at its boiling point.
Fireplaces seem de rigueur for The Block this week, as every team except Sticks and Wombat is incorporating one. Not to be outdone, Ronnie and Georgia have decided that if a fireplace is good, ALL THE FIREPLACE IN THE WORLD is even better. The two are installing a fireplace roughly the size of a city bus. It looks perfect for hurling a full glass of brandy into while lamenting the tattered remnants of your once-promising life.
Georgia jokes that maybe the room’s inviting fireplace will finally win the couple a few friends among the other contestants. Not only has that ship sailed, dear Georgia, but it’s about to rev up its outboard motor and disappear over the horizon at the speed of sound.
Foreman Keith foreshadows the carnage ahead when he pulls Ronnie up for needling Jason. Ronnie’s giving the big guy a hard time about he and Sarah’s dwindling funds, and Keith warns the cocksure reno expert that he probably shouldn’t alienate all his fellow contestants.
Too late, Keith.
Jason pulls Keith and Dan aside to allege that Ronnie and Georgia’s kids room was stolen down to the last detail from an Instagram post. He goes on to accuse the two of allowing their visiting WA tradie friends to sleep onsite, which he claims is unfair because it’s saving them the cost of boarding.
Keith and Dan seem to take all this very seriously, so they urge Jason to call a body corporate meeting. With the Blockheads all assembled, Keith and Dan inform everyone that there have been accusations of cheating, and then the two bravely flee the scene to leave our contestants standing around in shock.
After a moment of waffling, Jason comes out with his complaint about the tradies sleeping onsite. There’s a bit of back and forth, but Ronnie and Georgia finally agree to pay for lodging for their tradie friends.
Jason is far from finished.
Next, he raises the issue of the Instagram photo of Ronnie and Georgia’s kids room doppelgänger. He stridently proclaims that all the other contestants have seen the photo, and all agree that Ronnie and Georgia are big fat cheaters.
At this point, the other contestants look like they want to crawl into another dimension to escape the awkwardness.
But then the floodgates open. Josh accuses Ronnie of spreading rumours about him. Sticks and Wombat accuse Georgia of besmirching the good name of their builder. Josh accuses Georgia of stealing his iPad. Sticks and Wombat accuse Georgia of stealing Christmas. Josh accuses Georgia of masterminding the Kennedy assassination. Jason accuses Georgia of witchcraft and demands she be burned at the stake.
Well, for all intents and purposes.
Now, this may come as a surprise to those of us who aren’t keen students of human psychology, but it turns out that when you band together with six other people to basically accuse one person of being human garbage, that person tends to get their feelings hurt. Understandably, Georgia runs off crying.
Josh, Sticks and Wombat now suddenly feel guilty about verbally pile-driving this mother of two into the earth’s core, so they call on Georgia to apologise. They make it clear that when they insinuated that she was a lying, arrogant cheater, none of it was personal. Good apology, guys.
"Sorry for saying all those things we meant."
Jason also heads over to apologise, and conveys his remorse through Ronnie. He may be slow to get actual work done, but he moves with stunning alacrity when it comes to throwing around damning accusations.
During all the proceedings, Hannah and Clint remain conspicuously silent. More foreshadowing.
Finally Sarah, who has been absent for this entire debacle, returns and says what all of us have been thinking.
EVERYONE GETS IDEAS FROM INSTAGRAM, YOU DUMMIES!
Accusing Georgia of cheating because she got an idea from Instagram is a bit like accusing Andy Warhol of cheating because Campbell’s Soup exists.
After she’s composed herself a bit, Georgia wants to know who circulated the Instagram photo in the first place. Then begins a long, convoluted tale of who said what to who. It just gets more and more confusing and twisted as the story goes from contestant to contestant.
The upshot is that Jason got the photo from Josh, and Josh got it from Sticks and Wombat.
Who got it from Hannah and Clint.
"Hahahahaha! Dance, puppets! DANCE!"
You guys, I’m scared.
Missed an episode? You can read our recaps of every episode of The Block 2017 here.