The Block 2017 recap: A blast from the past and a last gasp

Adam Smith 24 October 2017 NEWS

The Block Ep 50It’s a walk down memory lane as our judges look back at some of the series’ best rooms, and we look forward to this season ending.

There’s scant time left before our Block houses go to auction, so one could be forgiven for thinking the show would head toward a speedy conclusion. But, no, this season of The Block is set to have an ending more interminable and pointless than the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Just throw the damn ring, Frodo!

Sorry.

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I've got an idea. How about you walk around whining for FIVE MORE HOURS?

Tonight, we open with host Scott Cam giving out the stats on the 13 seasons of the Block so far. He tells us the series has amounted to 35,000 minutes of television. After this episode, I’m convinced 34,940 of those minutes aired tonight.

Scott is joined by the judges at Block HQ. They’ll be tasked tonight with choosing the best rooms from Block history. This should make for good TV, because if you’ve seen previous seasons of The Block you already know the best rooms, and if you haven’t seen them you’ll have utterly no context for anything the judges say. Just hand this show all the Logies right now.

First, Scott asks Shaynna, Neale and Darren to choose the best bedroom from all 13 seasons of The Block. Darren tells us that bedrooms are great rooms for design because you can shut the door from the rest of the house and do anything you want in them. He means sex dungeon, right? I’m just gonna say he means sex dungeon.

Sorting through 13 seasons’ worth of master bedrooms, Darren lands on Ronnie and Georgia’s from the current season, Shaynna chooses Josh and Charlotte’s from Triple Threat and Neale chooses Josh and Elyse’s from this season.

Buckle up, guys. There’s 50 more minutes of this.

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"Let's just get through this, please."

I could diligently power through and recap every choice throughout the episode, but I must make it clear that the judges will go through this asinine process for every room. Every. Single. Room. Do you want to sit through that? Because I had to, and I’m telling you that you didn’t miss a thing.

Throughout the episode, we catch up briefly with some former contestants. Surprise, surprise, national exposure on a popular television show and several hundred thousand dollars of prize money has changed their lives. Noticeably absent is anyone from older seasons of The Block. They’ve probably burned through their prize money and are standing disheveled on street corners, offering to renovate for food. Nine mercifully spares us from staring that ugly reality in the face.

As the episode sputters toward a conclusion, Scott asks our judges to choose the best room ever produced on The Block. The honour goes to last season’s elderly villains, Dan and Carleen, for their kitchen. The two are both flattered and as objectionable as ever. Happy to see all the money and fame hasn’t changed them.

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"Remember us?"

Finally, Scott puts the judges on the spot and asks them to predict this season’s winner. It’s unanimous in Josh and Elyse’s favour, though Darren says Jason and Sarah could be the dark horse contenders. We’ll find out soon, but not nearly soon enough.

Missed an episode? You can read our recaps of every episode of The Block 2017 here.

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