Alex Hourigan
Hey chicks, I'm Al.
Sally McMullen
And I'm Sal.
Alex Hourigan
And this is Two Broke Chicks, the show that dishes life lessons from the gals, for the gals. Today, we are talking about attachment styles. So if this is your first Fact or Cap episode that you're tuning into, basically Sal and I take a fad, or theory, or challenge on the internet and see whether we think it's the vibes.
Sally McMullen
Is it worth the hype?
Alex Hourigan
Yeah! Like, is it true? Is it false? We did an episode on the 12-3-30 treadmill challenge, and let me tell you that was interesting. Today, we are talking about attachment styles, what they are, what it means, and what we are. There is a quiz that we will put a link to the show notes in, it's five minutes and there are four styles of attachment. So there is secure, avoidant, disorganised/dismissive and anxious/preoccupied. And you do the quiz and it kind of pulls into how you are in your relationships with friends, relationships romantically, and childhood relationships, and parental relationships, all that stuff. All that fun stuff.
Sally McMullen
Exactly. It gives you, like, a good idea of, maybe if you have some patterns in your relationships. Or you don't know necessarily what you want out of a relationship, because you, maybe you're following what you've been taught to think that you want, and you actually want something else. So, it's very interesting. Learn a lot about yourself. So we did the quiz!
Alex Hourigan
We did the quiz, but apparently I'm secure attachment!
Sally McMullen
Oh, my God! So am I!
Alex Hourigan
Secure attachment is comfortable expressing emotions, depend on their partner and let their partner rely on them, thrive in relationships, and don't fear being alone. Now, that's where my issue is because I love being alone! I love not being in a relationship. Like, I don't feel like I thrive in relationships. I feel like my relationships bog me down a bit, babe. And the thing is, like, I thrive with my friendship relationships, like with my friends, I love my friends. And I know people will be like, 'I love my friends'. Like no, no, I'm in love with my friends. Like, they are my relationship to me, which is probably where I was pulling some answers from, in this to be able to get secure attachment because I don't feel avoidant, dismissed or anxious within those friendships. And I think that's what was coming through. And then also, I had a f*cken lit childhood, like my dad was dressed as like Santa Claus, like every year, and like, my mom's an absolute G. So I was very lucky to have a good childhood. So I think that's where it pulled from, but maybe you're only supposed to take this quiz if you're in a relationship.
Sally McMullen
I don't think so, because it's about how you, I guess, like, it's, it applies to all types of relationships. So that's the thing. And if you think about, even if you haven't had the best relationships in the past, I would say that you do fit within the secure category, because you're comfortable expressing your emotions to the person that you're with, you do depend on your partner. But then in turn, you're very happy for them to rely on you, you do a lot for your partner when you're in a relationship. And I think that maybe because you haven't necessarily been in, I don't even want to say that you haven't been in the right relationships, but you know what I mean? Like.
Alex Hourigan
I learnt what I needed to learn from my relationships.
Sally McMullen
Exactly.
Alex Hourigan
Do you know what I mean?
Sally McMullen
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I think that that still fits the bill. But what did you think that you were going to get? Did you read like any of the things before you did the quiz?
Alex Hourigan
Yeah, so I thought I was gonna get disorganised or dismissive.
Sally McMullen
Who do you think you are? Sorry, continue, but no way.
Alex Hourigan
Are you joking? High self esteem, I've got a crippling God complex.
Sally McMullen
That one, yes.
Alex Hourigan
Don't need a relationship to feel complete, true. Don't want to depend on others. I literally will organise and lead to the ends of the earth. I'm like, alright, we need to get this done, we'll do X, Y, Z.
Sally McMullen
That's different though. Being able to take control of a situation is different. Like if you didn't have your close relationships with your friends, e.g., when we were in lockdown, and you couldn't see your friends and your parents. You were not coping, babes. So I don't think that adds up.
Alex Hourigan
And avoid emotional closeness.
Sally McMullen
False.
Alex Hourigan
I have, like, the biggest commitment issues!
Sally McMullen
Yeah, but not with everyone. You're very like, you're happy to give love and be close to people, you know, with your family and with your friends. So I don't think that's necessarily sure.
Alex Hourigan
Which one did you think I was gonna get then?
Sally McMullen
I didn't know, to be honest. I thought maybe, I think I thought secure. Yeah, or maybe avoidant, maybe avoidant in a romantic sense. I could see maybe avoidant, right now.
Alex Hourigan
I can see that. So if you're avoidant, you do want intimacy or closeness, but can struggle to trust and depend on others. And you avoid strong emotional support due to fear of getting hurt.
Sally McMullen
And we've kind of run through disorganised and dismissive, but anxious and preoccupied, that's when you consider your partner your better half. But you have low self esteem, so you think that they're your better half and you're maybe lesser than. And then you have a fear of abandonment, and maybe you seek approval, and a lot of support and responsiveness from your relationships. So maybe a bit clingy?
Alex Hourigan
Stage five clinger.
Sally McMullen
Yeah.
Alex Hourigan
Which, like, whatever one you are, it's fine. Like, there is so many things you can do and every relationship is different. However, here's this little thing that annoys me. And it's kind of like what we were talking about, in our episode with Riley. And you were talking about introverts and extroverts, is why do we have to label everything? Like, I don't feel like I actually fit into any of those categories. I think I act differently in every relationship I have. Because if I have a healthy relationship with that person, then yes, I'm a secure attachment style. But if you looked at my, you know, last relationship, I probably definitely wasn't the secure attachment style, just saying. But, and then like my first relationship, I would have been a different one. So I think you can't just be one attachment style, in my opinion, it depends on the relationship, and you can't encapsulate every way that you're going to behave.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, I think do the quiz and take the results with a grain of salt. I think maybe if you've had relationships in the past, or currently that haven't been super healthy, and you're unhappy with the relationships that you have, either with your family, friends, or a loved one, doing a quiz like this could help you identify maybe some of the patterns on your end, and what you need and want out of a relationship. And maybe if you do want to change, you can kind of pick up on some of the behaviours that you have internally that you might not have been conscious of before. And you can make those steps to develop and be conscious of those in future relationships. So I think that it's an interesting, it's a fun quiz. Like, it's fun to do quizzes like this. Yeah, absolutely. But I think Al's, right, like, I think everybody exists on a spectrum, no matter what we're talking about. So yeah, take it with a grain of salt.
Alex Hourigan
I like what you're saying, it's a good exercise in self reflection. And if you do see yourself and get a result that you can kind of see yourself in, like, it's good to be able to have that resource because the attachment project gives you, kind of, resources to maybe pull yourself out of some of those bad habits that you might think that you have. Or some habits or ways that you act in relationships that you kind of want to shift a little bit. So it's fun. It's a good time. You're 1,000% secure attachment. There's no doubt in my mind.
Sally McMullen
100%. I was very happy with the result and was like, "Yep, that sounds about right".
Alex Hourigan
You'd think after a 14 year relationship, you're gonna get that one, babe.
Sally McMullen
Literally, like all the questions that were, like, fear of abandonment for any category, I was like, "No, everybody loves me". The one that was like, 'Are you scared that you love them more than they love you?', and I was like, "Nope. They're obsessed".
Alex Hourigan
They love it, they love it.
Sally McMullen
Can't blame them.
Alex Hourigan
They love it. Yeah.
Sally McMullen
But yeah, is it a Fact or Cap, Al?
Alex Hourigan
I think for me, it's a cap.
Sally McMullen
And for me, it's a fact
Alex Hourigan
I don't think you can put people into four categories. And every relationship is different. I don't think you act the same way in every relationship.
Sally McMullen
I think, I was looking at it similar way that I look at any other quiz like this, like the personality quizzes, love language. I know that I, it's not gonna be true to a fault, you know what I mean? So that's why I'd say that it's a fact because I feel like it was mostly accurate for me, which was what I would expect from a quiz like this. Little bit of a grey area.
Alex Hourigan
I wanted to see a little bit more strength and weaknesses for every attachment style. That's what I would have wanted.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, it was kind of like, secure's like 'Brava!", and then everything else is like, 'You got work to do, boo'.
Alex Hourigan
Yeah! And like, everyone has work to do.
Sally McMullen
If you want to try the quiz for yourself, like Al said, we'll make sure to pop a link to it in our show notes. And let us know in our Facebook group, Broke Chicks Club, where y'all sit because I'd be very interested to know what our chicks are, if you're all secure, like us, or maybe if we have a bit of a rainbow of results.
Alex Hourigan
If I ever deem someone worthy enough to be in a relationship, I'll do it again, we'll see what happens.
Sally McMullen
Yeah, definitely.
Alex Hourigan
What a lovely little episode of fact or cap! I feel like I just went through all of my past relationship trauma, which is always a good time. And if you want to give it a whirl, the link is below, we've dropped some references and helpful TikToks in the show notes. If you have a challenge that you would like us to try or you see a fad, feel free to hit us up on Instagram. These are really fun for us to do, we really love doing them. So we hope you like listening to them. And thanks for having us in your ear holes, we love to be here, chicks. Feel free to tune in next Tuesday for our main ep.
Sally McMullen
We'll see you there.
Alex Hourigan
Bye!
Sally McMullen
Bye, chicks.
Alex Hourigan
Ooh, that had some melodic tones to it.
Sally McMullen
Vibrato! Put some autotune on that.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
